Big Girls Night Out

Did my four-year-old just roll her eyes at me? I stared back at this tiny little face, a miniature reflection of my husband, knowing that if she did roll her eyes, there was more to come. I asked her what was wrong and though her eyes stayed put she grumbled “nu-THING” at me…her tone said it all.

Four-years-old or not, no one talks to mama like that in this house so off to her room I sent her. I waited a few minutes debating which mom-voice I would use to handle the situation. I decided on a warm, approachable stance in hopes I could get to the root of the problem. Since that day, things have changed around here.

As I lay next to my first born, I asked her again what was bothering her. Though her response itself was a question, I knew exactly what the matter was. “What was it like when it was just you, me and Daddy?” Instantly, I flashed back to our old house and when I brought her home from the hospital. I remembered cooking in the kitchen dancing to music while she kicked her feet to the beat in her rainforest bouncer. I was in my old car (my cooler SUV days) where her infant carrier was alone smack dab in the middle of the back seat. And of course, our family’s Friday night tradition to the Mexican restaurant where we were just a little party of three. The answer to her question was she was the one and only center of our world, and I knew exactly why she was asking.

When we decided to try for a second baby, there was a small part of me that actually felt like I was betraying my 22-month-old. I knew our decision would forever change our life and especially hers as she transitioned from the only child to big sister. Of course, there was more excitement than anything, and the gift of sisterhood as soon as I knew it was another girl.

But I was bound and determined to make sure my first born wasn’t slighted. She was the one who announced my pregnancy with her “Big Sister” tee at her birthday party. My husband and I even asked her if she liked certain names for our newest addition. We bought a handful of big sister books, and I was ready. And our big sister did beautifully when our new baby girl arrived.

As in all things parenting, it is tricky and full of gray. I was reminded that day that the sibling transition is never really over even if I had been acting like it. My second baby, now two, still needs more from me than my four-year-old. Nine times out of 10 I put the baby’s needs first, and this big sister’s been watching. My eyes were opened to every time I carry the baby only to decline big sister’s request citing she is too heavy. Or how I dress my two-year-old while sending the other to get her clothes by herself, forgetting to give her a compliment or two. My big girl still needs to know that she is the center of our world, a bigger and better world.

I had her undivided attention as I told her stories and her face lit up hearing funny things about herself. I did address the eye rolling and disrespectful tone, but I wanted to make sure she knew I had really heard her. So I asked her out on a date! I knew the Veggie Tales were coming to town that month and offered to make it a “big girls only” event. She glowed telling her daddy and made sure I wrote it on the calendar. The night of the show, she was the center of my undivided attention. My big girl picked out my outfit, the restaurant and even the music on the car ride there (Chipmunks Christmas album in March might I add). I’ve started to pay attention to the small stuff like simply going into her room when she picks out her clothes, then getting the baby dressed. Yes, I have even lugged her up the stairs a time or two. Most importantly, though, there is a Big Girls Night Out on our calendar every month!

Our last date was over Easter while visiting my parents in Texas and I’m afraid I may have set the bar too high for our next BGNO…I took her to The American Girl Store to have her doll’s hair done. Yes, she is a little on the younger side for an American Girl Doll period but when your older cousins get one for Christmas so do you:)  This store is every little girl’s dream. From a hair salon and matching doll and girl outfits to a restaurant, they have thought of everything. My big girl basically strutted around the store introducing her doll to the others in the store, picking outfits and, of course, handpicking her new ‘do. Watching her smile from ear to ear as her doll was draped in a smock and placed on a beauty salon chair, I realized these dates are just as much for me as they are for her.

Getting out of the house just the two of us helps me to leave my work at home and without my sweet but demanding baby girl,  I can enjoy more of my big girl’s silly quirks and personality. She asked my opinion on most every decision made in that store, and we didn’t have one issue with behavior. I’m not saying she is perfect, but I do believe that giving her a few hours of special attention positively affected her attitude for several days and mine too. Since we started this monthly date, we are both laughing and playing more, griping and whining less. As my baby gets older, I’ll add her into the rotation too. It looks like I’ll have a lot of hot dates in my future!