What Veterans Really Want for Veterans Day

Everyone makes sure to honor veterans on Veterans Day. There are parades and special events. People go to ceremonies, and make sure to shake hands. And while these things are appreciated, what veterans want and need goes so much deeper than a moment of recognition here and there, a few times a year.

Transitioning from military to civilian life is hard. As a military wife, I know firsthand what it was like for me; we had stability and support. For my husband, though, the Marine Corps offered him something even more. He had a brotherhood that he belonged to, a deeper purpose, a feeling of being a part of something bigger than himself. There is really no way to prepare someone for leaving behind the structure, routine and belonging that comes with the military and be thrust adrift, aimless, into a world that doesn’t understand what they have been through, the struggles they face, and how in many ways, their battle hasn’t ended.

Many veterans have anniversaries of the worst kind, reminding them of the fellow Marines, soldiers, sailors and airmen who died in combat. They struggle with survivor’s guilt, wondering why they came home and their buddies didn’t. They have nightmares, sit with their backs to the wall. And very few people, save their fellow veterans, understand.

Then there’s the issue of healthcare — as many people have seen in the news over the past several years, veterans constantly die thanks to shoddy care they receive from Veterans Affairs (VA) hospitals. They die because their VA doctors feed them cocktails of pills. They die because they still have demons from battle, and they don’t receive proper mental health care.

What veterans want, and need, is understanding and advocacy, 365 days a year. They want people to know them, to let them talk, to hear their stories. Don’t wait for Veterans Day to ask them their stories, or for Memorial Day to remember the fallen. If you’re at the mall and see an elderly veteran with a Korean or Vietnam War hat on, stop and talk to him for a minute, ask him about his time serving; chances are, he’ll be thrilled to have someone notice him. Volunteer with local veterans’ charities, like K9s for Warriors, or at our local VA hospital. Help elderly veterans see their memorials in Washington, D.C. with the Honor Flight Network. Just be willing to be there, throughout the entire year.

And if you meet a veteran? Try to have some understanding and sensitivity. While people tend to view the military more favorably now than in past decades, there’s also a large divide between the civilian and military populations more now than ever, with fewer people having family connections to the military than in the past. So while people tend to be well-intentioned, they still manage to ask some painful — and potentially offensive — things. Don’t ask them if they ever killed anyone or what it was like in combat. Don’t ask them if anyone they know died or if they have PTSD. These may sound like obvious things not to say, but believe me… people say them all the time.

More than anything, most veterans just don’t want to feel alone. They want to know that their service meant something. So this Veterans Day, show your gratitude and appreciation — but remember them the rest of the year, too.