It is 11:23 p.m. on Sunday night. I am sitting on my foyer floor spraying what must be the equivalent of half a bottle of Shout over grass- and clay-stained white baseball pants wondering what kind of new fresh hell level of motherhood I have entered.
It is my momming witching hour. You know what I am talking about — that time of the night where you are just thankful that no little bodies are hanging off you or asking you the 10-millionth question of the day. And even though you are sleep-deprived and have a million things on the never-ending to-do list, you are going to stay up and watch a TV show, or scroll aimlessly through your social feeds and eat the “good” snacks.
Usually by this time I have completed my preparation tasks for the week, but today being a busy day between work and life, I am running a little behind. And for the sake of full transparency, I just realized that even though I washed laundry on Saturday morning, the baseball uniform did not make it into the laundry because we had an afternoon game. I am just getting to look at the calendar for the week, and surprise! There is a game on Monday, because, of course. I could take this time to pause and wonder why a freshly 7-year-old needs so many baseball games played back-to-back, but that is not what is top of mind for me. What is top of mind, however, is why in the good Lord’s year of 2021 are white baseball pants even still a thing?
We really could be asking why are white pants in sports even a thing? However, I feel like baseball pants are a specific extreme form of terror lobbied against mothers. I mean, who thought that a sport played on green grass and red clay (RED CLAY, Y’ALL — yes, I am yelling), where sliding is a coveted skill to have should even consider white pants as an option? Oh yeah, the same person who decided that one uniform per player would suffice for a schedule with up to three games a week.
I get it. Mothers are real-life superheroes, so we get it done. I know as you read this, you are already formulating a long comment about what scientific concoction you have created to remove stains in record time because that is just what we do. While I appreciate our ingenuity and relentlessness, I am calling BS on this one, moms. Our gifts are way too precious to waste away on white pants in baseball. If anyone can unify and make this go away, I know we can. Who’s with me?