Probably similar to many other mothers, I did a lot of reading during my first pregnancy (definitely a lot more than I do now!). Articles and books on how to raise happy, healthy children, and guides that helped new parents learn how to deal with feeding, sleeping, fevers, rashes, etc. Back in 2007, when my first two children were barely eating with a spoon and fork, I was recruited to lead the Kids in the Kitchen committee for the Junior League of Jacksonville. The committee’s responsibility was to raise awareness about childhood obesity, and as a new mom I knew nothing of the topic so I began reading articles and studies to help me in my role.
One of the things I learned that stood out most was the impact of The Family Dinner. At the time, it seemed like something relatively simple to implement with far-reaching benefits. Children and adults that eat meals together are less likely to be overweight, and honestly at the time this did not really matter to me except for the fact that obesity was becoming epidemic. What mattered to me was the “side benefits” that included better relationships with parents and others, better grades in school, a lower chance of drug and alcohol use, and better eating habits in general.
I think we all have one or two things that become priorities for us as parents, and this became one of mine. While it was not easy, it was not really difficult either. I really focused on just being at the table and not necessarily what was ON the table. Between the family dinner and my focus on not being a short order cook, we made it a priority. I did sometimes feel a little on the crazy side about making such a push, and some nights it was stressful.
The importance here is time together. Fortunately, my husband’s work schedule allows him to be home for dinner most nights, but even if he is out of town or has to work late we still have a family dinner. Sometimes it’s just cereal but still a family dinner. And think outside the box (pun inadvertently stumbled upon). It doesn’t have to be dinner. It can be breakfast or lunch or any routine time really.
And here we are seven years later, still doing the family dinner thing. Is it working? I don’t know for sure, but we are hopeful. I do look forward to sitting down for dinner most nights. I know it helped my younger two children move to table food sooner. I also think it makes my kids feel secure. It helps us practice table manners, and the wee little ones learn so much by just watching mom and dad put forks in their mouths and chew. And if anything, perhaps we are making a small impact on the childhood obesity epidemic that I cared so little about many years ago.
Tips for family dinners:
1. Keep it simple. Do not stress about the menu being perfect or the table being set. It doesn’t even always have to be nutritious or home cooked. For many years, our kids sat at a small kid-sized table right next to us, but we were still together.
2. It’s still ok to eat on the go. I think the routine is nice, but we all have days where we just have to grab take out or have a big snack.
3. Do not expect it to be magical. Kids are still kids. They will very likely misbehave at times, and some days will not feel like talking. A lot of times at the end of the day, Chuck and I are so tired that we just ask for silence during dinner. And we don’t feel guilty about it at all!
4. Have fun! Relax and be attentive to the kids and your spouse. Kristen has some great tips on listening.
5. It’s not too late to start. Start small with one or two meals a week and see how it goes.
6. Step it up! As you begin to make it routine, make it work better for you. Maybe challenge yourself to be more nutritious or try new foods. For me I also made it important that everyone was served the same food for dinner, no adult food and kid food designations. Sometimes the kids would just get a heavier portion of mac and cheese and a smaller portion of Brussels sprouts. I think my goal was to encourage the kids to be open to trying new foods.
Does your family eat together on a regular basis? How many nights a week? What makes it work for you?
Our kids (almost three & 17 months) go to bed pretty early, so they eat together around 5:30, and my husband and I eat after they go to bed. They eat kid food, and never even really see what we eat for dinner, which is not ideal. I know this won’t last forever, and I think about the family dinner quite a bit, it is definitely something I want for our family. But right now, it is so nice to get them in bed, open wine, and eat in peace.
We love to have dinner together as a family and do it when we can. My 13)year-old has gymnastics practice every weeknight til 8pm so she eats her dinner in the car on the way home from practice to give her more time to do homework and shower. We try not to get too rigid about any aspect of our life but usually do hone-cooked meals and my 6-year-old likes.to cut up veggies. On weekends we sometimes do a fancy dinner and the girls help prepare it which is such a nice way to bond and enjoy each other. I think it’s great to shoot for and modify as needed.