“Mom, why are you so mad?”
Those few words coming out of the mouth of my tiny little girl who just turned 3 — heartbreaking.
I wasn’t even “mad.” It was just another day. She was sitting on the potty and I had gone in to pick up the toy she dropped, for the third time. I must have let out a big sigh, which is what prompted her to ask me that question in her sweet little voice.
I immediately changed my attitude and put her little cheeks in my hands and said, “I’m not mad! Why do you think I’m mad, sweetheart?”
“Because you went like this, ‘Huuuuuuhhhh.’ (her impression of my big sigh). Did I mention she is only 3?
After I had reassured her I wasn’t mad, I left her (still on the potty) and sat back down. I felt horrible. My 3-year-old can already sense my frustration. I thought about why I let out that big sigh. Was it only because it was the third time I had to go into the bathroom to pick up her toy?
The truth is, lately, I’ve been “mad” a lot. I lose my joy often during the day. It comes and goes but mostly goes. It’s a horrible thing to admit. I don’t think I’m depressed. I just think motherhood is hard.
I have two kids. My son is only 5 (and a half). It’s July, the middle of summer vacation and it’s been what seems like forever since I’ve had a break. My husband helps A LOT. He is basically ON as soon as he gets home. But I am still here. I can still hear the screaming and the kids are still climbing all over me.
So why AM I so frustrated? I should be grateful. I have two pretty amazing kids. They are smart, adorable, and mine. Will you think I’m a b*tch if I say it’s because I am just so damn tired of the same sh*t every day? The spilled everything on the floor, the toys everywhere ALL.THE.TIME., the in and out of the car and screaming over WHAT? Not the right snack, not the toy he wanted, the dropped whatever in the car while we’re driving from the amazing place I just took them to. Anyone would start to feel a little less happy when you give and give and give because it is expected of you and it’s your “job.” And you LOVE to give. You LOVE being a mom. You LOVE your kids. But it flushes down the toilet when the littles start with the same crap over and over again. (rant over)
It’s so true, though. It can drive a person insane. But even worse? My kids will start to take after me. I’ve already seen my 5-year-old lose his cool over nothing. The first thing I think is — is he picking this up from me?
So how do I fix this? What can I do to not feel so “mad” and more importantly, make sure my kids don’t pick it up either. I NEVER want my kids to think I’m just a grump moving through the motions to get through the day. And I don’t want to feel that way either.
Well, I’ve done it all. I took a deep breath and counted to four; made sure I had some time to myself; vented to friends about my frustrations with “momhood.” I make sure I take the time to be present with my kids. I’ll get down on the floor and play just like Dad (although I can only last 10 minutes and the last five are torture). Of course, I close the laptop, turn off the phone and just listen to them. They have amazing stories, and I love to hear what they have to say. I’ve done stuff just for me, hired a sitter to make sure I can get all the things done so those “things” don’t interfere with my time with them. It all works. Some days more than others but these are the steps I take to make mom life a bit less stressful.
Bottom line, it’s just hard. And some days I think I am a terrible mom. But I guess that’s just part of motherhood. It ebbs and flows, and we have ups and downs. We never know if we’re doing it “right.” But I know I am blessed with healthy children, and I hug them tight knowing that. And at the end of the day, even when I let out that big sigh, I love being their mom.
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It’s great that you’re so honest. Motherhood full time is hard and exhausting and so is keeping up the house. I felt like I was reading my own life story. If we could stop shaming each other as mom’s on our accomplishments or lack thereof, I’m sure we’d all admit it is not easy.
Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you for writing this.
I have to tell you that I rarely read blog posts about motherhood that really resonates with me BUT your words describe my exact thoughts and emotions. I feel beyond blessed to have two little ones (2 1/2 & 6) but it is hard sometimes…a lot of the time but it’s ok to admit being a mommy is tough and just as equally rewarding. Thanks for your post!
Thank you for this post. I have a 3 and 1 year old and I can relate to every single thing you said. And I repeat- EVERY. SINGLE. THING!
Somedays I feel like I need to be working or doing something else bc I feel like “maybe this stay at home gig just isn’t for me?” But then I think, “the grass isnt always greener on the other side” and if I HAD to work, I would prob wish I could be at home with my kids everyday, enjoying every fleeting moment and appreciating the things we get to do. EVEN the days that are stressful, long, physically & emotionally exhausting, and down right suck.
My son has asked me before if I was “ok” or apologized to ME bc I was “mad” it breaks my heart that a 3 year old is that in tune with the frustration I’m feeling and irritability I’m showing. SO I try to do better. I try to be a better example of what I want my kids to see and emulate and I try to remember to stay positive and brush things off bc little eyes are watching and ears are listening to every frickin thing I’m doing!!! Mommyhood is not an easy job and I learn lessons from my kids almost every day. 🙂
Wow, I can not relate to this more. This is exactly how I feel with my five and 10 month old. Thanks for writing this – I find it is really hard for others to understand when I feel this way and now I know there are others! Hang in there – I’m sure you are a fab mom. We are all just trying to do the best we can do.
I was reading about myself when reading your article. It was ME exactly.
Until I read it, I actually thought I had a problem. I feel better knowing other moms go through this and it’s perfectly normal. Thank you for sharing. I’ve been very conscientious lately around my children and have been making it a point not to sweat the small stuff in life. I focus on how fast they will grow up and that one day I will be their second choice to their friends, then I will be wishing they were little again……
I agree that Morherhood is tough and too many people are afraid to say that out loud.
My suggestion – go back to your full time job. I could never be a GREAT stay at home Mommy – no matter how much I’d value the time, I know myself well enough to know that I’m not cut out for it.
For me to be the BEST mom I can be, I need my career. Then, when I come home I try to be 100% on.
But I travel for work, and otherwise work in an office outside of the home. I enjoy keeping a sense of my self that’s away from my husband and kiddos – but yet I know the time and energy I give there away from them, is benefitting them and us as a family.
Maintaining a life outside of motherhood helped me be a better mom and maybe this would benefit you as well.
This is exactly how I feel most of the time lately. 🙁 Glad to know i am not alone.
I’m sure a lot of people think this way but in my case it’s a mix of anxiety and depression. Anxiety can resonate as rage and making big deal over little things like a toy being dropped three times or blaming other people for something that frustrated you. Since you mind is just going going it need some sort of release and that emotion can be just getting mad
Medication has helped me a little but really just accepting anxiety with be a part of my life forever has been more helpful. Work on it everyday. Try to find the joy in things even if you can’t wake up the next day and try again. Every day wake up and forgive yourself for getting mad or for a sigh and try again. We can hold ourselves responsible for every little thing or realize were human and just trying to make it through life and raise good human beings. That is a huge task!
Are you in my brain? Because it feels like you’re in my brain. Thank you for putting my life into words. I so wish there was a magic answer to get rid of the “mads,” but I’m afraid you’re right; it’s just part of life right now. Being aware of the struggle should certainly help minimize it, though, right? Worth a shot.