When Mom Has Her First Play “Date”

Play “Dating”

Playdates by definition are “time that parents arrange for their children to play together.” Ironically, ‘date’ is in the word, and I am about to tell you why.

As infants and toddlers, playdates for my kids were getting together with MY friends that happen to have kids the same age. The kids would play, and I would get to hang out with girlfriends. Always a great time and my kids have built some wonderful friendships along the way.

Fast forward to when kids enter school, and the playdate takes on a whole new meaning. Your kids are meeting their own friends and now want to play together after school. While school-aged children are old enough just to drop off at a friends house, I do not feel comfortable if I have not met the family.

And so the Mom “Date” of the playdate begins, and it goes like this…

I try to figure out the kids last name and find the email off the master teacher list or the PTA directory. Fumble for the right words to introduce myself and my child while explaining that we would like to get together for a playdate. With the schedules kids hold these days, it is nearly impossible to find an hour in the next week.

Of course I wait until the morning of the playdate to tell my child because I want to avoid the big countdown of them asking 100 times; how many more “sleeps”… if today is the day–how many hours until the playdate! (Basically the same as mom, mom, mom, mom).

The date is officially planned. I spend the entire day getting ready for the big date. Clean my house like the President of the United States is coming over. Take a shower, attempt a hairstyle that does not involve a ponytail holder, and swap my yoga pants for some real clothes. I want to look cute but not too done up, of course. Search Pinterest to come up with some healthy, fun snacks that the kids will actually eat.

I am nervous, just like a blind date. It sounds crazy, and I know it makes no sense, but this is how I am feeling. Kind of excited, palms a little sweaty, hoping she likes me, hoping I like her, hoping my kids behave and mostly hoping this is a success, after all, it is my son’s new best friend.

As we wait for our play “date” to arrive, we are all pretty anxious. Nice music is playing, and candles have the house smelling fresh. We are ready. The doorbell rings, kids go crazy and run off to play. Now the mom “date” begins…

There is small talk, some history, finding things we have in common and touching on parenting views. Luckily, we align on most everything and the hour flies by.

As we wrapped up the “date” we exchange numbers, a good sign I think! We make plans for a second playdate. The third date will be just having the child over.

I think she likes me, or at least, I hope so, because my son had a blast and is looking forward to growing this friendship.

As I think back on this date, the several others that have gone on, I laugh. I am sure we are all feeling the same way!

Funny as this scenario is, it is also serious and important to make sure your child is in a safe environment.

By no means am I qualified to give advice on this topic because I am learning as I go, but here are some things to think about when having a mom date:

1. Be Yourself! Don’t try and impress. The parents do not have to be BFF’s; you just need to respect each other and know that your child is safe.
2. Know that the other person is just as nervous and uncomfortable. Start with what you have in common, your kids! They really like each other, so this should be an easy subject!
3. Keep your first meeting to an hour. This is plenty of time to get to know someone and yet not too long.
4. Don’t be afraid to talk about the touchy topics. Whatever is important to you, is important to bring up! (electronics, texting, who lives with them, tv shows, movie ratings, and gun safety are a few hot topics that seem to be big parenting concerns)
5. Be normal. If your house is not spotless and the snacks are not 100% organic, and homemade don’t sweat, it will make the other mom feel better and normal too!

I find this parenting roller-coaster to have the most hilarious twists and turns, and this is just another one! Where in the past it has been me saying to my kids “we are going over to my friends, she has a child your age that you can play with, it will be fun,” it’s now like my child saying “we are going over to my friends house, he has a mom you can play with, it will be fun.”

It can be fun, if we all just relax, be ourselves and enjoy the ride!

Do you ever feel like playdates are like blind dates? What advice do you have to take off some of the stress?