Mom, Why Are You So Mad?

“Mom, why are you so mad?”

Those few words coming out of the mouth of my tiny little girl who just turned 3 — heartbreaking.

I wasn’t even “mad.” It was just another day. She was sitting on the potty and I had gone in to pick up the toy she dropped, for the third time. I must have let out a big sigh, which is what prompted her to ask me that question in her sweet little voice.

I immediately changed my attitude and put her little cheeks in my hands and said, “I’m not mad! Why do you think I’m mad, sweetheart?”

“Because you went like this, ‘Huuuuuuhhhh.’ (her impression of my big sigh). Did I mention she is only 3?

After I had reassured her I wasn’t mad, I left her (still on the potty) and sat back down. I felt horrible. My 3-year-old can already sense my frustration. I thought about why I let out that big sigh. Was it only because it was the third time I had to go into the bathroom to pick up her toy?

The truth is, lately, I’ve been “mad” a lot. I lose my joy often during the day. It comes and goes but mostly goes. It’s a horrible thing to admit. I don’t think I’m depressed. I just think motherhood is hard.

I have two kids. My son is only 5 (and a half). It’s July, the middle of summer vacation and it’s been what seems like forever since I’ve had a break. My husband helps A LOT. He is basically ON as soon as he gets home. But I am still here. I can still hear the screaming and the kids are still climbing all over me.

Brendan and Audrey
Perfect little angels.

So why AM I so frustrated? I should be grateful. I have two pretty amazing kids. They are smart, adorable, and mine. Will you think I’m a b*tch if I say it’s because I am just so damn tired of the same sh*t every day? The spilled everything on the floor, the toys everywhere ALL.THE.TIME., the in and out of the car and screaming over WHAT? Not the right snack, not the toy he wanted, the dropped whatever in the car while we’re driving from the amazing place I just took them to. Anyone would start to feel a little less happy when you give and give and give because it is expected of you and it’s your “job.” And you LOVE to give. You LOVE being a mom. You LOVE your kids. But it flushes down the toilet when the littles start with the same crap over and over again. (rant over)

It’s so true, though. It can drive a person insane. But even worse? My kids will start to take after me. I’ve already seen my 5-year-old lose his cool over nothing. The first thing I think is — is he picking this up from me?

So how do I fix this? What can I do to not feel so “mad” and more importantly, make sure my kids don’t pick it up either. I NEVER want my kids to think I’m just a grump moving through the motions to get through the day. And I don’t want to feel that way either.

Well, I’ve done it all. I took a deep breath and counted to four; made sure I had some time to myself; vented to friends about my frustrations with “momhood.” I make sure I take the time to be present with my kids. I’ll get down on the floor and play just like Dad (although I can only last 10 minutes and the last five are torture). Of course, I close the laptop, turn off the phone and just listen to them. They have amazing stories, and I love to hear what they have to say. I’ve done stuff just for me, hired a sitter to make sure I can get all the things done so those “things” don’t interfere with my time with them. It all works. Some days more than others but these are the steps I take to make mom life a bit less stressful.

Bottom line, it’s just hard. And some days I think I am a terrible mom. But I guess that’s just part of motherhood. It ebbs and flows, and we have ups and downs. We never know if we’re doing it “right.” But I know I am blessed with healthy children, and I hug them tight knowing that. And at the end of the day, even when I let out that big sigh, I love being their mom.

Vicky Lane
Vicky Lane is the co-owner and co-founder of Jacksonville Mom (formerly Jax Moms Blog). Since 2012, she has been overseeing the content and technical side of Jacksonville Mom. In this role, she manages over 30 writers and works closely with the managing editor to provide the most relevant content for the Jacksonville parenting community. In her previous career, Vicky obtained her Masters in Education and served as University Registrar at the University of North Florida. Wife to adoring husband John, her love for all things “Mom” began in 2010 when their son Brendan was born. Vicky chose to put her full-time career in higher education on hold to spend time with her new baby, giving her a new respect for motherhood and parenting. In June 2012, John and Vicky welcomed sweet Audrey to the family. Vicky has created an amazing circle of Moms who are continuously seeking new ways to enrich their children’s lives in and around Jacksonville. Being part of the creation of an online parenting resource and small business that serves the great Jacksonville area has allowed her to flourish in a successful career while remaining present for her family.

41 COMMENTS

  1. You’re awesome. And so right too! Mommyhood is so hard sometimes! We’re all in this together. And you’re right- we all deserve a little break sometimes to just breathe.

  2. I so needed this today, thank you. I lost my sh*t in public with my 3 kids (8, 6 and 3). Like in the middle of a large crowd with everybody staring at me, I have never felt so ashamed but I just honestly couldn’t handle one more whine or tattle or begging me for something. I apologized to my kids but I know I’ll hold onto the guilt that my kids will only remember me getting mad at an event that was suppose to be fun. This helped me at least realize that sometimes all Moms just lose it over dealing with the same thing day after day after day.

  3. This is so my life right now. I have a 2 year old and a 5, almost 6 year old. He is off to kindergarten soon so I am trying not to the “ahhh” kinda mom. IT IS HARD! Everything you said is so true. Thank you for being honest and putting it out there so we don’t feel alone!

  4. this blog post just popped up on my Facebook memories from last year after I shared it because I wanted to read it. I just got around to reading it and I can’t agree more with all of your points and I have three boys that are 16, 14, and 9. Even though I tell a lot of parents that it only gets easier and better which it does there are so many new challenges at each age and I am glad I had this to read today because yesterday was a really tough day. I needed the message of Hope and the message that I’m not doing anything wrong just because I think it’s hard and it’s only really hard because I’m doing it really really well. Thank you for your words, from a Cincinnati mom’s blog author!

  5. I am where you were in 2015, when this was written (5 and 3). Everything you wrote resonates with me – thank you for the reassurance that my feelings and frustrations are normal, and I am not a horrible Mom. How is everything with an 8 and 6 year old?

    • It’s a little easier! But there are still “those” days. My daughter got hurt at least 12 times in one hour the other day and by the last time I gave her an eye roll at her fake cry. “Moooom, why did you roll your eyes at me?” Oh dear. Did I just roll my eyes at a 6-year-old?? Then I felt the mom guilt. The BEST thing I can still do for myself is a take a break. Even if it’s just for an hour on a solo trip to the grocery store. The kids being home for two weeks over the holiday has certainly tested me but the good news is at this age they are good at entertaining themselves! Good luck mama, you got this!

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here