My Year as the Perfect Mom

When I found out I was pregnant, along with the joy and excitement, also came a feeling of anxiousness. I had not spent much time around babies, but I had heard all the stories from my friends about babies that don’t sleep for months and months, babies that demand to nurse or take bottles all the time, babies that cry constantly. What was I getting myself in to?

My daughter, Linda Claire, arrived, and I had a pretty rough first few weeks. Hormones made me crazy, lack of sleep made me super cranky, and nursing was painful. I was convinced I was not cut out to be a mom. But slowly, I started to come out of the fog, and I thought to myself, this isn’t so bad. My sweet girl was beginning to sleep for longer periods of time. We got into a groove with nursing. She didn’t cry much and was mostly sweet and cuddly. My confidence grew.

Just as I was going back to work full time, Linda Claire started sleeping through the night. She was going to bed around 6:30 pm and sleeping twelve glorious hours until 6:30 am. She was only three months old, and I was as surprised as everyone else. Weren’t babies supposed to wake up all the time and fuss? I started to feel like maybe I had this mom thing down.

Sleeping sweetly, in her crib, all night long
Sleeping sweetly, in her crib, all night long

When I went back to work, I was nervous about pumping and nursing. We were in a great routine when I was home, but how would she do with so many bottles? Turns out, she took a bottle just fine. And pumping and supply?  Not a problem for me, I always had enough milk to prepare the bottles. I thought, hmm, this isn’t so hard.

As Linda Claire grew, she was reaching all of her milestones right on schedule. She was sitting up, smiling, laughing, babbling, all the good baby stuff. And because of all that awesome sleep and the fact that she took a bottle, I was able to have a life outside of being a mom. Going out for girls nights, exercising after she went to bed and having date nights with my husband. Things were going pretty well. When I was out with other moms, I began to feel a bit smug. Why were they having such a hard time? Didn’t they read the baby books? I would nod sympathetically and chime in with an anecdotal story, but in my head I kept thinking, wow, I’m really good at this mom thing!

Because of this confidence, when I found out I was pregnant again when Linda Claire was only ten months old (turns out breastfeeding is not actually birth control…), I wasn’t that freaked out. I was overwhelmed at the thought of preparing for another baby, but we could handle it. After all, look at how well we were doing with the first.

My son, Liam, arrived that December and Linda Claire was 17 months old.  We had been preparing her for the arrival of a baby, but she didn’t really understand what was happening. And neither did I.

Once again, those first few weeks were brutal. Hormones, lack of sleep, nursing, all the newborn difficulties, plus I had to balance the needs of an active toddler. But I kept telling myself that soon he would sleep, nursing would get easier, I could leave the house again, life would go back to normal. I would go back to being a ‘good’ mom.

His expression for most of the first year.
His expression for most of the first year.

Apparently Liam did not get the memo about any of this. He. Did. Not. Sleep. Unless I was holding him and walking around, bouncing him in just the right way. If he fell asleep and I sat down to rest, he woke up and started screaming. If he fell asleep and I tried to transfer him to his Dad, Grandma, or a random person taking pity on me, he woke up and started screaming. For months, I tried all of the sleeping methods and advice I could find, but none of it worked. Also, he must have skipped reading his copy of Babywise in the womb, because he did not agree with waiting a few hours in between feedings. He wanted to eat when he wanted to eat, and he would cue that excruciating scream if not fed on demand. Who was this baby? I was doing everything right, following all the rules, and it was not working. How could this be?  I had just done all this with my daughter, and I was really good at being a mom.  Wasn’t I?!

Um, guys, this baby is screaming.  Again.
Um, guys, this baby is screaming. Again.

One night, as I was pacing the floor, bouncing a baby, half asleep, wondering where I went wrong, it hit me. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I just had a difficult baby. And all that time I spent smugly thinking that motherhood wasn’t that hard, it was just because I had a really easy baby. Every time I saw another mother struggling and I wondered what she could be doing differently, I know now sometimes the answer is nothing.

This realization seems so obvious now, but it took me some time to get my head around. I had to check my mom ego and admit that at times babies are just tough. No matter how many baby books I read or ‘rules’ I tried to implement, he wasn’t going to sleep or follow any kind of schedule, and that would have to be ok.

As my kids have grown, I’ve found this lesson applies to pretty much all parts of motherhood. Sometimes, things you thought would be so difficult end up surprising you with how easy they are. And then, just when you think you’ve got things under control, your almost three-year-old wakes up every night for a week at 2 am refusing to go back to sleep without a lollipop.

 

Jessica Stewart
Jessica is a North Carolina girl, who after living in New York City for eight years, is loving being back in the south since moving to Jacksonville in 2008. She is a stay at home mom to Linda Claire (3) and Liam (2). Prior to filling her days with parks and play doh, Jessica worked in event planning and marketing for financial and media companies, including This Old House. A graduate of UNC Chapel Hill, she is a passionate Tarheel fan, and college basketball season is her favorite time of year. Jessica spends her free time on the tennis court, training for races with her running buddies, or drinking wine her husband, Trevor. Her favorite things include snuggling with her sweet dog at the end of the day, hearing her kids laugh together, and pink cupcakes with sprinkles.

1 COMMENT

  1. I could totally relate to your second kid (poor Liam) because my first baby was a Liam. Michael never slept unless I was holding him. He screamed and screamed even if he’d just been fed, burped and changed. He.was.awful. (good news is that he turned out to be an awesome toddler) it took me more than two years to want to get back in the saddle again lol, but we are finally on our way to our second baby. Fingers crossed it is a Linda

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