Ah, teenagers. All of us apparently-now-old folks still remember what it was like to be young, so sure that we knew everything and that our style was never going to look bad later. Of course, those of us who grew up in the ’90s and were hitting up the club in the ’00s know how wrong that is. (So, so wrong.) My eyebrows have never quite recovered from the pencil-thin phase, and I still cringe at some of the things that were considered sexy and stylish. (Victoria’s Secret slipdresses over flare jeans, anyone? Yikes.) Now, of course, we’re older and wiser. We’ve figured out what works for us… and then along comes Gen Z (those born after 1996) with the worst fashion takes of all time. Well, little fashion babies, go ahead and take a seat, get comfortable, and grab a notepad… because you’re about to get schooled.
In case you’ve somehow missed out on all the things that now make us millennials look “old,” here’s a rundown: According to the neonates populating TikTok, skinny jeans and side hair parts are no longer fashionable. Now, it’s all about baggy jeans and middle parts, and in case you haven’t noticed when browsing Target with your Starbucks, pretty much the worst parts of ’90s fashion have come back to haunt us… including those horrific crotch-snap bodysuits.
According to Buzzfeed, Gen Z is even hating on coffee, pizza, and bacon, which is so insane in and of itself that we can safely assume their so-called “fashion advice” must be a hallucination from their bacon-free, coffee-less addled brains… but I digress.
Gen Z, y’all, trust me here: Us millennials, we are here to help you. Because right now, you’re walking around legit looking like this and proclaiming yourselves fashionable.
And no Gen-Zer should dare try to school us on what’s cool when they are, honest-to-God, acting as if they “discovered” yoga pants by rebranding them as “flare leggings.” I wish I was kidding. Honey, back right on up, because we INVENTED yoga pants. I’m glad you’ve finally realized how amazing they are, but we were rocking those “flare leggings” before you were even born.
@myfriend_megi rue the day when gauchos come back in style… what will they be called then?♬ original sound – meg
Maybe you don’t want to wear skinny jeans — that’s totally fine! But y’all, the answer to getting away from skinnies is not to go for modern-day JNCO pants. Believe it or not, there are wide-legged pants that still have shape to them and are ridiculously stylish (all hail Katharine Hepburn, the queen of wide-legs). Baggy mom jeans just ain’t it, and you will hate yourself for it one day, I promise.
And here’s another little secret (or two): Fashion, my sweet sweet infants, is cyclical. That means what you think you oh-so-brilliantly pioneered has long-since been done before. Over the past 10 years, fashion has taken inspiration from the ’70s, then the ’80s, and now, we’ve dropped ourselves into the ’90s, and y’all Gen Z kids want to act as if you can school the people who originated this stuff on how to wear it? Girl, please.
The other important thing to remember, and it’s something that you’ll probably realize too late, is that the worst thing you can do is chase fashion trends. Nothing looks good on everyone. Yes, some people will be flattered by a middle part, but others just won’t. Different cuts and styles of jeans will look good on different body types. The absolute best thing you can do is find what works for you, and rock it no matter what anyone else thinks. Forget being trendy. Find what makes you look fantastic, and stick with that. Of course, you won’t actually have the guts to do this until you’re pushing 40 with a cup of coffee perpetually in your hand because you’re too tired to give a f*ck what the infants behind you are saying is cool… but if you can start doing that now, you’ll thank yourself later.
Finally, don’t try to school us millennials. We were on social media before it was cool. We survived the worst fashion trends ever. You may think you know better than us, but… you really, really don’t.
The More Stylish Generation