For me, what began as a sweet interest in the complicated love stories captured within the pages of books-turned-movies like The Notebook and A Walk to Remember has grown into a recent obsession with novels whose pages tell the stories of a different type of passion.
I went from reading and watching Disney movies that depicted love stories through narratives marked by conflict, battles, and emotional complexities that were never resolved. For most of us, our earliest exposure to fictional love stories was a Disney princess waiting for her “prince charming” to come rescue them from some damning situation she was stuck in. As we got older, those princess figures were replaced with celebrity idols who, even when they’d achieved great things on their own, were more beloved once they found their “person” to settle down with. Between the progression of love stories represented in the media we consumed and the very Westernized cultural focus on the nuclear family and “settling down,” we spent most of our lives being socialized to believe that the greatest romances were built on waiting for someone else to bring the romance to us. Which, and hear me out, I think means that we were tricked.
We were fooled, ladies. They made us believe that someone was coming to save us from our “distress.” And even for the women who did find their “right person” or “soulmate,” I think that the idea that there is one person who can save us is still a lie. By making us believe that someone was waiting to rescue us, they subtly taught us to look outside of ourselves for safety and validation. And because those same stories that taught us to look outside of ourselves for our future were the same stories that taught us about “love,” we were sold a version of love and passion that was actually more symbolic of self-sacrifice and self-denial.
That’s why the stories that dominate our media feeds shift as we get older. What was once an innocent depiction of a grateful damsel in distress became a hormonal young adult waiting on a boy to even notice her as she moved between classes in the halls of her school. As characters aged alongside us, the setting that was once the halls of their schools became the streets of the new city they were living in. Those streets, and the apartments, restaurants, and bars that adorned them, became the very places where the characters we once viewed as the damsel became the forgotten. And as we watched the women we loved and adored lose themselves, we all lost a bit of ourselves too.
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And I think that all the things we lost are the things we are now finding inside the pages of romance novels. Whether it’s scenes filled with steamy sex, a poignant articulation of passion, or the expression of physical desires that might extend outside of our marriages… I think we are escaping the realities we were trained to believe were our dreams through the brave expression of authors who give life to the many things we lost along the journey that brought us to where we are in our lives as women today. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that as motherhood and marriage have started to become “decentered,” the obsession with romance novels has risen. As I sat in my living room recently processing these thoughts of mine, I realized that this was a thought that couldn’t be exclusive to me. So I reached out to other Jacksonville-area moms to get their take on romance novels and their prevalence. Here’s what they had to say:
“As a lifelong reader, I shied away from fantasy/romantasy until two years ago when I read ACOTAR, which led me to Fourth Wing, and from there I was hooked. What I love the most about the romantasy genre is the strong lead female character. In fact, what I love most about romance novels is the female lead character. This isn’t something that you see in movies, where the ratio is tilted heavily in favor of male roles. In romantasy novels, you’re going to get a badass female lead who struggles with her real identity, fights for what she wants, and finds out that she’s got everything she needs within herself. The spicy scenes are a fantastic bonus.” –Rebecca H.
“The real reason why I read all these romance novels is because I hate watching porn (the novelty has worn off, and it’s too fake). Reading these romance novels allows me to fantasize in the safety of my head, and it gets me excited with picturing different things with my husband, who reaps the benefits of my now wild imagination.” –Julia S.
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“I love that they’re an escape from daily life, which feels heavier and heavier these days. I grew up loving fantasy novels so romantasy felt like a natural progression. It’s been fun to get back into reading, which is something just for me, after getting caught up in the early days of motherhood.” –Megan C.
“I love reading romance books because it lets me feel deeply, think differently, and escape when I need to. I gravitate toward stories written by female authors because I find their fiction to be layered with lived experience and emotional truth. It feels real, even in the magic of happy endings.” –Jen G.
“There’s just something special about a well-written romance. Maybe it’s programmed into our DNA to love love stories. Understanding nuance in relationships and forging strong connections is an evolutionary advantage for women, and I think the books we gravitate towards reflect this.” –Joanna L.
I would love to hear your thoughts, too. Do you find desires you didn’t know existed within you coming to life on the pages of romance novels? Is the romance novel obsession something you just consider a trend/fad that will pass with time? Let me know!
