You know those days — when you come home and alllll you want to do is park yourself prostrate on the couch and scroll mindlessly through your phone, or binge Wednesday on Netflix, or just stare silently at the ceiling. But you can’t, because you’re a mom.
It’s the endless winter breaks (18 straight days!!), the cold weather with kids indoors all day, the long days for the stay-at-home moms with itty bittys and toddlers who fold laundry and fix dinner when they finally nap. The moms with eye-rolling teens riddled with rollercoaster hormones or the kids who are always super extra. The constant rushing from work, driving to baseball and ballet, and get this kid dropped off, get this kid picked up, and finally get everyone home and…
Then you still have to get them ready for school tomorrow, shepherd them through homework, make sure their teeth are brushed (or not, because I admit it, some nights I just want them to get in bed to fall asleep faster), get them relatively clean, pack lunches, sign folders, fill out reading logs. And all this after a full day of work. Ugh. Please.
Some nights there just isn’t any parenting left in me.
I love them more than reason, but there are four of them and one of me, and they win, every time. Sometimes because they wear me down, sometimes because I have no defenses left. Maybe it’s endless days with little to no self-care, maybe it’s the relentless grind of work, pick up, laundry, lunches, books, bed, repeat, repeat, repeat.
Sometimes I just don’t have anything left to give to the little people who just take and take and take. Those are nights I hit Chick-fil-A (again) or I fill ice cube trays with little bits of different kinds of food for “fun” (really it’s ’cause I didn’t get to the store), bribe them to take a quick bath with a chance to watch TV before bed, and then I retreat and hide.
Sometimes I don’t have any more employee in me, or wife in me, or sister or daughter in me, either. But I feel most guilty when I don’t have any more parenting in me. Parenting is full-time, no pay; an emotional rollercoaster where you never know what’s around the bend or when the big drops are coming. It’s a marathon when you thought you had signed up for a 5K. I want to be there in every way and every day possible. I love them.
But some nights, I just don’t have any parenting left in me.
Where’s the remote?