December is here. The tinsel has been untangled, the candles have begun to burn, the elves have flown into the homes that welcome them, and the chaos of the season is in full force. For most of us, this means one too many dress-up days at school, an overload of sweets and treats, and living in a constant state of over-stimulation. For a select few of us, those with a December birthday, it also brings the frustration of feeling overshadowed.
To put it simply, having a birthday that’s smack dab in the middle of one of the busiest times of the year sucks. It makes it impossible to schedule a party or celebration. You get “combination gifts” (insert huge eye roll). You’re often in crowded spaces, but the guests aren’t there for you, and there are decorations everywhere, but none of them are balloons.
It starts when you’re school-aged. Especially if your birthday is in the latter half of the month (like mine, which is 12/18). From the first day of school to the last day before break, you spend various circle times celebrating your classmates’ birthdays. Your teacher probably made them a paper or cardboard tiara that alerted everyone that it was their birthday. Their parents probably sent in treats for the whole class. By the time your birthday rolls around, school is out for winter break, which means no paper tiara or gluten, nut, egg-free cupcakes to celebrate you. You think to yourself, “Fine, at least all my friends will still come to my party.” EEHHH (pretend that’s a buzzer sound on a game show), wrong! They won’t be able to come to your party because their families will be too busy and/or they’ll be out of town traveling.
Speaking of parties. When you live in Florida, you get to go to really cool birthday parties at beautiful parks, sandy beaches, and totally splash-worthy swimming pools. Unless, of course, your birthday falls during the time when the water parks are dry, the pools are closed, and the beach is devoid of sandcastles.
As you get older, those struggles don’t end; they just shapeshift. The dorms are closed on college campuses, so you’re back home with your parents if you’re an on-campus student. Which, as you know, means your college-aged birthdays might be forced toward a bit more tameness than you’d always imagined. And once you enter the workforce, the monthly staff birthday celebrations get lumped into the team holiday socials. Instead of birthday plates and an awkward PowerPoint slide during the all-staff meeting, you and your fellow December babies get a quick mention from behind the holly and tinsel. Even outside of work, your friends will schedule their holiday parties, and sometimes they will fall at the same time that you’d hoped to celebrate your most recent trip around the sun.
While the conflicting schedules are frustrating and not having that cardboard tiara circle time sucks, that’s not the worst part. The worst part is that as the year you’re celebrating gets bigger, so does the sense of guilt you experience for those “but what about me?” thoughts. You have a deeper understanding of the competing to-dos and the overwhelm of the holiday season. You know that your special day is being overshadowed, but you also know it’s not being done intentionally. So, in the true spirit of the holiday, you let it go, put on the ugly sweater, and grab a glass of cranberry something another to cheer to the season.
And in that same spirit of the holiday, I’d like to end this post with giving. Specifically, I’d like to give you, reader, some tips on how to make sure the December babies in your life don’t feel overlooked on their birthdays. I know, look at me, the December baby giving you the gift (how generous, am I right?).
DO These Things
- Prepare ahead of time. Our birthdays don’t change dates from year to year, and the hectic nature of the month doesn’t go away either. Take our birthdays into consideration with your plans.
- Acknowledge the conflict. If you have to plan something that conflicts with our special day, at least acknowledge it. We don’t want you to feel bad about it; we just want to know that you care.
- Ask us when we want to celebrate. Some people will want to celebrate at another time than in December because it’s just too chaotic. Make sure they know that’s an option.
- Ensure their day has its own energy. Do the same birthday traditions that you do for everyone else (maybe birthday breakfast donuts?). Put up birthday decorations and get a cake (or treat of their choice) that isn’t holiday themed.
DON’T Do These Things
- Forget their birthday and blame it on holiday chaos. As we stated in the to-dos, we all know this season is a busy one. Set an alarm on their birthday to remind yourself to reach out.
- Give a combination gift. Gifts aren’t everyone’s love language, and that’s okay. If you are giving a December baby a birthday gift, don’t tell them it’s a “two for one.” And please, don’t wrap it in holiday wrapping paper.
- Don’t take their quiet as acceptance. Just because the December-born person in your life hasn’t said anything about feeling overlooked doesn’t mean they’re not feeling sad. Don’t assume you know what they want or need.
- Be present during their celebration. With the chaos of the season, you may have multiple time commitments on the day of their celebration. Avoid checking the clock every few minutes and try not to be in prep mode for the thing next on your calendar. Dedicate their birthday celebration time to being fully present.
Important Personal Disclaimer: I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge my mom in this post. Despite having many competing responsibilities and no other adults to share them with (at least when I was growing up), my mom has never approached my birthday with convenience. Whether it’s a handmade rice-crispy cake (molded into various shapes with hand-dyed icing to make a full scene) or a special breakfast date followed by a thrifting spree, she always makes me feel seen and celebrated. Thanks, Mama, for being the best. I love you!
