Best Friends Are Overrated

I’ve never been a fan of the term “best friend.” Maybe it’s the people pleaser in me, worrying that by using it, I’m leaving someone out. Or perhaps it’s rooted in those childhood moments when I found myself on the outside looking in — when someone decided that their BEST friend was now someone else, not me.

I recently had a lunch conversation with some close friends (see what I did there?), and the topic of best friends came up. One of them was lamenting the loss of her long-term friendship and how hard it was to lose someone she had considered her best friend for nearly 20 years. She turned to our other friend, who was nodding along in understanding, and said, “But you have your BEST friend!” To which she replied, “Oh, well, no, I have a lot to catch you up on, but no, I don’t.”

That’s when I chimed in, “I don’t even like the term ‘best friends’!” It makes me feel like we’re in elementary school, competing over who’s the best. I understand that some people feel they’ve found their one true soul sister, and I get that. But I think most of us have friendships that fulfill different needs in our lives. Ideally, these are reciprocal relationships where you’re both filling each other’s cup in some way. You connect with certain people on different levels, and that’s okay. We don’t need a single “best” friend when we have a circle of close friends who each bring something unique and valuable into our lives.

You might have a friend you talk to about all the deep stuff — someone who shares a connection with you based on a mutual understanding of what each other has gone through. Then there’s the friend you work out with, the one you dish about pop culture and reality TV with, and the friend whose kids are friends with your kids. The list could go on!

As someone who moved around quite a bit growing up, I have friendships from all over. I don’t talk to some of these friends regularly, but I still consider them part of my close circle. I love that they know different versions of me: “elementary school Megan,” “college Megan,” and all the eras in between. These friendships, even if they aren’t at the forefront of my life every day, still hold a special place in my heart. And when we do see each other or talk on the phone, it’s like no time has passed.

Just like Taylor Swift’s Eras, friendships have their seasons. Some friendships are like her “Fearless” era, full of excitement and new beginnings. Others might be more like “Red,” intense and emotional. And then there are those friendships that evolve into a comfortable “Folklore” phase, where you find peace in the simplicity of just being together. Not every friendship lasts forever, and that’s okay. Each one has its own season, and each season brings something important to your life story.

It can be heartbreaking and devastating when a close friendship comes to an end, but just like a Taylor Swift album, there’s always a new friend ready to drop into your life, bringing with them a fresh soundtrack to your journey.