Losing the Ring & Finding Me

When the bubble burst, I could only see the bad that was happening in my life. I no longer had a partner, I was alone, my children were now a part of a broken home, I was a single mom–many negatives of the reality were filling my mind. As things continue to clean up, now I see the positives that divorce has taught me.

I Found Myself

Once the first baby was born, I fell into the role of mom and wife. I no longer did things for myself and got lost in the fog of being a mommy. It was so hard and I was so alone. I thought I was balancing mommy, wife, professional, and self. But in hindsight, I wasn’t. I no longer had a sense of self and couldn’t figure out how to do it all or admit to the failure.

The first year of the soapy mess I jumped head first into finding who I really was. What made me happy? How do I get my spark back? It was a hard, long road, one weekly appointment at a time, but it was so worth it. This was by far one of the hardest years of my life. When you look at yourself in the mirror, truly look, you might not like what is staring back at you. It’s the vulnerability that I never had. I was able to evaluate myself, the good, the bad and the ugly, and see what I had to change to love life again. There were so many things that I forget to do in life to make me happy. I learned that it just wasn’t about my little girls, but I was important.

I Know How to Have Fun

There were so many times that I remember not having fun. I was the Debbie Downer! My whole thought process was a To Do list, and I would check them off. There was no time to have fun with so many things to accomplish. My attitude affected the family and my children. I didn’t want to take a few days to go on a road trip or vacation, I had stuff to do and on a timeline.

I am free, and I now know how to have fun! I don’t need a schedule to have a good time. I have learned that time is limited, and my girls are only going to be little for so long. I need to enjoy life, every minute of it. I want them to experience laughter and adventure. Since the bubble burst, the three of us have taken long road trips, cruises, and last minute excursions. I am laughing more than I have in the last eight years, and I love it!

I Am a Better Mommy

I had no doubt that I could be a good mommy, and I was doing everything that I thought was right from breastfeeding to making my own organic baby food. I was working and taking care of the household duties. I loved the little babies that we brought to life. But, I wasn’t doing it wholeheartedly. I was just doing it each day.

I can tell you know that after going through this divorce, I understand the importance of being the best mom I can be. I lost time with my girls and realize that the time I have with them is more important than ever. I love making those homemade muffins and seeing the smile on that little face of delight as they crack an egg and mix–even if the egg goop drops on the counter.

I am now vulnerable. That’s right. I no longer have a wall up and try to hide. I love who I am and those jelly rolls that are still hanging around from 8 years ago. It’s ok, and my girls don’t care. I now can jump into the pool instead of hanging out on the lounge chair. I am all in, and it shows.

I Have an Amazing Network

I always had a great network of friends and family, but I never truly appreciated their role in my life. Wow. I can’t thank them enough for supporting me, talking me off the cliff and loving the person who I have become. It’s almost like they have filled the marriage vows that I promised… to love, comfort, and cherish for better or worse (let me tell you there were many WORSE days). I have reconnected with those who exited my life while I was married and there is a new appreciation for the relationship that we once shared. Not only have my long-time friends and family been by my side, but I have also made a few new amazing friendships because of my situation. It’s ironic what is put in place when you are going through life events! Without this network, the new and the old, I would not be where I am today.

By no means am I saying that divorce is great. It sucks. It has been the most trying situation that I have ever encountered in my life, to put it lightly. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. But what divorce has taught me is that I am one strong woman who has an amazing life ahead of me with these little girls, my family, and friends.