Not Just for Kids: I’m the One with Separation Anxiety

I’ve battled anxiety throughout most of my adult life. Little did I know how much worse it would get once I had a child to add to my worries. Not just little worries like him getting hurt at the playground or falling off his bike… big worries that I don’t even want to type out loud in this blog. And the worrying doesn’t stop until we’re home under the same roof again.

We are probably one of the most active families I know, always going somewhere and doing something. When we are out and about, my nerves seem to settle… a little. But, the truth is, my son doesn’t leave my side very often, except for when he physically has to (i.e., school, camp, etc.). People joke we are attached at the hip, which is not a joke at all, but more like reality.

I work full-time so we aren’t together much during the work week. From the moment he gets dropped off at school or I leave for work, I worry. About what you ask? You name it. I can come up with the craziest of situations, but mainly it’s something bad happening to him that I could never live with. The thoughts come on like a raging river and while my work and daily tasks keep my brain pretty sidetracked during the day, I still find time to fret.

I hate to admit it, but it’s even beginning to affect my social life. Ridiculous as it sounds, I make excuses so he doesn’t leave my side, even for dinner and a movie with my husband or drinks out with friends. I know deep down he’s in great hands with family while we’re out, but I insist on dropping him off and picking him up because it stresses me out when someone else drives him around… even my own mother who successfully raised two children of her own.

In recent travels away from home, it’s been embarrassingly traumatic for me. I’ve booked the latest possible flight to ensure I’m with him up until the last possible minute. Even if it means more stress on me once I leave or get to my destination. I cry the entire way to the airport and am a hot mess getting on the plane. If there is a way to get on an earlier return flight, I will pay the change fee to do so. Then I race home from the airport. I’ve noticed recently I’ve consciously declined trips for fear of being gone.

They say kids go through separation anxiety, and it’s just a phase. You can probably remember when you’re child(ren) experienced it the first time you dropped them off at daycare or the first day of school — they latched on to your leg like white on rice. We tell them it will be OK, put on a brave face and run out the door. In a few days, they adjust and everything is normal again.

Maybe this is just a phase for me, too? I sure the heck hope so.

I adore my son and truly enjoy our time together — since I have one child, these moments seem to pass by so quickly. Maybe I’m trying too hard to make time stand still, trying to keep him little as long as I can. All things I know I have zero control over, yet my anxiety knows otherwise. I realize I need to give him room to grow and space to breathe. I work hard on this every single day. And, I try not to let it show. My friends and frequent acquaintances may be surprised to read this as I appear “normal” on the surface.

Anxiety or not, I think any parent would agree, you feel much better when everyone is safe and sound at home. But, I feel an even more huge sense of relief at the end of the day when we are reunited and together under the same roof again.

Will it pass? I’m sure it will. For now, I’m just trying to enjoy this rather anxious time of my life, and tell myself that there are much worse things I could be doing as a parent than wanting to spend every waking minute with my son.

Kerry Schicker
Boy mom. Household CEO. Corporate leader. Outdoor lover. Social seeker. Sun worshipper. Curious traveler. Champagne enthusiast. These words describe me, Kerry Schicker, and contributor for Jacksonville Mom. I first approached founders Vicky and Megan after a heartbreaking miscarriage a few years ago. I had a very unpleasant experience with my OB at the time and I needed to get it off my chest so I wrote an anonymous blog that resonated with some of our readers. I have since written dozens of blogs mostly about motherhood. I have a passion for writing. My 20-year career has grown through some form of writing including TV news reporting and producing, magazine publishing, public relations, advertising, marketing, blogging and my current day job doing HR and employee communications for a Fortune 300 FinTech company. I am thankful that Jacksonville has such a supportive community for moms like me, and I can't imagine raising my two boys anywhere else.

3 COMMENTS

  1. This article describes me to a T. The only difference is the fact you have a son and I have a daughter. I struggle everyday.

  2. You are not alone! I experienced this as well. I am thankful that therapy helped me manage the irrational thoughts & fears. Best wishes to you as you navigate this challenging time.

  3. Thank you for your comments. Glad to know I’m not alone. Being a parent is hard. And sometimes are much harder than others. But I’m working through it!

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