I’ve always felt a mixed bag of emotions regarding tablets with my children, who are now 4 and 7 years old. The way we use them with our kids has changed over the last couple years, but it’s complicated.
My son’s fantastic school uses all sorts of forward-thinking electronics and apps. Clearly their world is not moving away from technology. It’s here, it’s progressing, and it’s only becoming more intertwined with their daily lives. There are games they play that are really fun, and then there are also apps they use that are truly educational. Why then, was it that the hour after my kids used a device, they often seemed irritable? They just did something they enjoyed, shouldn’t they be relaxed? Witnessing this cause and effect in my children forced me to rethink the idea that technology isn’t going anywhere, so we should just wholeheartedly embrace it. We might have to embrace it outside our home, but we can absolutely hit pause on it within our home.
A pivotal moment came about six months ago: I was standing in the doorway of my son’s room, watching him kicked back on his bed, tapping away at a game. I could see the glare of the screen in his eyes, his pupils darting back and forth. He appeared engaged and lost at the same time. Not lost in thought, it was clear there wasn’t much going on that he was in control of, but he looked lost in something that was controlling him. It made my stomach turn. That evening caused my husband and I to drastically limit how often our kids had access to devices. Initially I thought we would experiment a little more before pulling the plug, to really pay attention to how the devices correlated with their behavior, but we instead changed it all that night because deep down, we already knew our answer: Less technology resulted in happier kids.
Out of Sight, Out of Mind
If you’re looking for a way to restructure how electronics are prioritized in your house, the idea of simply removing them seems obvious. However, putting some thought into where these devices lie in waiting really made a huge difference. We used to charge Kindles and iPads in plain view on the counter in our kitchen. Not only was it an aesthetic eyesore, but it truly was a virtual technology buffet. If you put a plate of cookies in plain view, they will get eaten. If you put electronic devices out on display, they will get used. Put them away, far away. We now keep all of our devices charging inside of a cabinet, completely hidden, in a room in the back of our house. It’s amazing how just doing that immediately decreased how often the tablets were asked for.
The Beauty of Being Bored
Once you start to limit device usage, you’re almost certainly going to notice an increase in your kids’ usage of one particular phrase: I’m bored. If detox gives way to withdrawal, then decreasing electronic usage is the precursor to boredom. I remember the first time my son walked up to me, let out a huge sigh, and then plainly stated, “I’m bored.” This is a big moment as a parent. How do you respond? Do you jump to your Pinterest board of Rainy Day Ideas, or do you put the burden of boredom squarely back on your child’s shoulders to bear? I think it depends on the age of the child, but it’s something to consider. Being bored should be encouraged, fostered even.
Picture this: You’re at a coffee shop by yourself, you forgot your book in the car, but it’s okay, you wanted to catch up on some emails on your phone anyways. Then it happens: your phone dies. No charger. There you are, sitting, with nothing to look at but your coffee mug. Uncomfortable yet? Good! That’s what children feel like when they’re bored. It’s what they feel when they aren’t being entertained. It’s what they feel when they aren’t being stimulated by a screen. It’s uncomfortable, it’s foreign, but it’s necessary. We all need that room to squirm, to just get lost in our own thoughts, and refocus.
Once when my husband and I were on a really long run together, his iPod died. I gasped. Should we quit, turn around, go home? The thought of running without music was a deal breaker to me back then. He said, ‘Nah, I’ll just catch up on my thinking.’ He did that for the next 10 miles. If you were alone in your thoughts for that long, can you imagine what you could accomplish? It’s an interesting idea I think, and the reason that I now get giddy when one of my kids gives me the “I’m bored” complaint. I do not hear that statement as my cue to start entertaining them. I hear “I’m bored” and know it’s time for another lesson in how to create your own entertainment. It was hard at first, but if you can just push past the initial frustration of being bored, often your kids will come up with something on their own anyways. I’ve spent time teaching them to lie in the grass and make shapes out of clouds, and I once told them I realized I had run out of good “knock-knock” jokes and would love it if they would write out a book of their best ones so I could keep some on hand. Teaching your children how to deal with boredom will give them the tools to depend on themselves, while allowing them to hone in and pursue their own interests.
My kids still use technology, but now that we’ve consciously worked toward a balance, it’s becoming the asterisk on their lives rather than the definition. The goal is unstructured playtime, not unstructured screen time. A life constantly stimulated by extrinsic means is not a life worth living. The sooner young children can learn that, the better prepared they’ll be as they head toward their teenage years where they’ll make choices regarding more technology, social media, and what makes them feel real, tangible, happiness.
