There’s something no one tells you about becoming a parent of grown and flown children: It’s one of life’s greatest gifts.
I didn’t know that at the time, of course. Back when I was rushing between school pick-ups and dance classes, drowning in forms, snacks, carpools, laundry, and the constant question: Am I doing this right? I didn’t have the perspective I have now. But with adult children comes a rare moment to breathe… and feel… and reflect.
And that reflection hits you right in the heart.
Because once you finally slow down, you get to look at the humans you created — your tiny babies turned real-life adults — and see them fully. Kind. Compassionate. Talented. Brave. Hilarious. Imperfect. Evolving. Magical.
And you think, holy crap. They’re amazing.
And then you think, holy crap. I did that.
There Is No “Right Way” (There Is Only Your Way)
I spent years wondering if I was doing it right. Saying it right. Handling it right.
But here’s the secret: There is no right. And there is no wrong. There is only what is.
Parenting isn’t a test you pass or fail. It’s a daily choice to show up with the best you have in that moment. Some days, your best is magical. Some days it’s survival. Both count.
The only “wrong” way is not doing it at all — and parents don’t get that option.
Car Moments: Where the Real Parenting Happens
Some of my most cherished memories came from the places I least expected — like my car (while running late, again).
The intel that came out in those car rides? Priceless. Sometimes they talked a mile a minute. Sometimes we sat in total silence, and even that silence was a bond that couldn’t exist anywhere else but in our little car bubble. There were no distractions, no phones. (I made the car a no-phone zone for myself so they didn’t grow up thinking distracted driving was okay.)
Eventually, when they got older, I’d hand them my ringing phone and let them play secretary — reading texts out loud, replying for me. Was it the ideal system? Probably not. Did it give us hilarious memories and shared moments? Absolutely.
See? There’s no “right.” There’s just what works in the moment.
Grown & Flown Doesn’t Have to Be Sad
It can feel sad, of course. You miss the little voices, the messy backpacks, the chaotic schedules. But grown and flown can also be joyful — because it means you did it.
You raised people who can function in the world. Who can be their authentic selves — because you encouraged that. I love the quote, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken,” and it’s true: The greatest gift a parent can give their child is permission to be who they really are. (They won’t always like hearing that, by the way. Mine would roll their eyes when I told them they were beautiful or gifted. “You’re just saying that because you’re my mom.” No, sweetheart. I’m saying it because it’s true.)
Kids often see themselves through a distorted lens. It’s our job to meet them where they are — delusions, doubts, insecurities, and all — not fix it instantly. They figure it out. Eventually.
The Joy of Adding New Branches to the Family Tree
This past year has been full of beautiful new beginnings. We gained two new family members — Carlie and Tristan, married in Puerto Rico, surrounded by family and friends who traveled to celebrate them. It was magical, joyful, chaotic, perfect. The kind of memory you tuck into your heart forever.
And then came baby Ronni — my “somewhat adopted” daughter Hope’s beautiful little girl, named after her late father. Holding that tiny ray of sunshine in my arms, there aren’t words for that kind of love. Watching Hope and Adam step into parenthood makes my heart so happy.
These moments remind me: Grown and flown doesn’t mean empty.
It means expanding.
When Life Gets Dark (and Why You Should Let Your Kids In)
There was a time in our lives when things were very dark. The kind of dark you don’t think you’ll make it out of. And even now, thinking about it brings tears.
But here’s the truth that surprised even me: I became stronger not by pretending I was okay, but by allowing myself not to be. I was honest with my children. I let them see me struggle. And in doing so, I showed them something invaluable:
That we can survive hard things.
That pain doesn’t break us.
That love carries us forward.
Children don’t need perfect parents. They need real parents.
And sometimes, one of the greatest gifts you can give them is the chance to help you grow, too. Not by placing burdens on them — but by showing them that families are stronger when they lean on each other.
Because the whole is always greater than the sum of its parts.
When you believe in something bigger than yourself — love, faith, community, purpose — you find the courage to move through darkness. Inviting your children into that truth gives them resilience that will be with them for life.
Our Kids Are Evolved Versions of Us
Another thing I’ve learned: I truly believe our children are more evolved versions of us.
Sometimes I pause before reacting because I realize, “Oh, that’s me.” Or “Oh, that’s their father.” Just updated. Upgraded. Living in a different time, learning similar lessons but in their own way.
Remembering that helps me soften, listen, and step back when they need to learn their own lessons — and not the ones I try to impose.
Every stage of parenting — babyhood, toddler tornado years, elementary sparkle years, teen turbulence, college identity quests, early adulting — has been perfect in its own way. Stressful, beautiful, stretching, joyful. A mirror for them. A mirror for me.
And the best thing you can be through every stage is yourself. And encourage them to be themselves. That’s the part that matters.
So, Here’s My Message to You, Wherever You Are on the Parenting Spectrum
New parent? In-the-thick-of-it parent? Grown and flown parent? Somewhere in between?
You’ve got this.
There’s no right way. There’s no wrong way. There is only the way that belongs to you and your family.
Approach the “what is” with intention, love, honesty, and good energy. Give grace. Take grace. Let your kids be part of your growth. Celebrate good times and learn from hard times. And trust that the story keeps going, beautifully, even when the chapters change.
If they ask you for guidance, give it. If they don’t, let them figure it out. And love them through every version of themselves.
Because we did it. And now, it’s their turn.
About the Author
Emilie Christenson is the owner of Jaffi’s boutique in Neptune Beach. Born into a family of fashion industry enthusiasts — her mother’s family owned a small department store in Tennessee, while her father’s side owned a dressmaking factory in New York — Emilie was just 7 years old when she made her first dress. Fascinated by both the creative and production processes, she later left a years-long career in finance to pursue her passion for retail. Owning and operating Jaffi’s for more than two decades has come naturally to Emilie, who prides herself on guiding her staff in getting to know the customer’s wants and needs while upholding the boutique’s mission of helping women feel confident and comfortable in their skin.
