“My child is struggling with their ADHD, especially with school. What can I do to help them? NO MEDICATION!!” In the last few weeks, I’ve seen variations of this exact post all over social media, and if I am being completely honest (and a little insane knowing the inevitable backlash), this type of thinking is heartbreaking. Parents are faced with one million decisions regarding what is best for their child — and that is just in a single day. There is no one right way to parent and no manual that guarantees the perfect child (because if there was, someone would be rich and life would be boring). Every parent does what they believe is best for their child, and I don’t believe that any parent is intentionally choosing something harmful for their child. But there is something to be said about making choices for a neurodivergent child from a neurotypical experience, and sometimes it causes a lot of hurt.
Before you pick up the pitchforks and come after me, let me explain a little. Hi, I’m Krista. I have ADHD, four kids, and I am a teacher. I struggled for so incredibly long and just believed if I tried harder, if I was more organized, if I was just better, that everything wouldn’t be so hard. I was anxious all the time and felt like a failure for not being able to do what others seemed to be able to do easily. Like many people, I attributed effort with outcome and nothing else. I tried treating the anxiety, with both medication and without. While it helped some, it never fully made me feel better. That was until the day I read a quote about if you struggle with anxiety and nothing seems to help, you may have ADHD, and you’re trying to treat the symptom, not the cause. The more I read, the more understood I felt, as if someone had been watching my entire life, preferably filmed in the manner of The Office. I talked to my doctor and brought a note on my phone of things that I experienced that led me to believe I might have ADHD… typed because in the past I’d get to the doctor and forget everything I wanted to say. I didn’t get far in my list before my doctor said, “Uhhhh yeah, I’m gonna have to agree with you there.”
When I started taking my new ADHD medication, I kept my expectations low. I didn’t think it would be an immediate fix. What happened instead was tears, like a lot of tears, because I remember feeling a sense of peace in my mind. Like someone had taken all the things inside my head which I typically describe as that one carnival ride that looks like a UFO and spins so fast that you can turn upside down, and sorted them all into a color-coded and labeled filing system. I cried because I wondered how different life could have been if I had gotten diagnosed sooner, if I had this HELP earlier. For me, ADHD medication was life-changing. My brain NEEDED it — even if people in my life repeatedly told me I didn’t.
When it comes to kids, I am passionate about finding whatever helps them, the earlier the better. Medication is not a one-pill-for-all type of thing, and with that comes trial and error. I hear the stories and have seen firsthand how the wrong medication can have less-than-desirable side effects. It doesn’t mean that medication as a whole should be thrown out; it means that particular formula or dosage isn’t right.
READ: How We Choose to Manage ADHD In Our Family
I have had children ASK me to call home because they didn’t take their morning dose, and they were struggling so badly. Kids have cried because their brain is hurting them, and they want to have it calm down. People give teachers a bad rap and say it’s because we want them to sit still or not talk — and maybe that’s some teachers, but for me, it’s because I can see what they are capable of with the help of their medicine. They can focus on what they are learning, they can interact with their peers more, and they can express themselves. But medication like ADHD meds are something that needs to be given consistently. Try to alter your thinking and instead of saying, “Oh, well they don’t need it today,” say instead, “What will set them up for success and allow them to be their best self, to use their brain to the best of their ability, and to struggle the least?” Depending on the child, that may look different for some, and that’s okay! Some kids may have more mild side effects while others have extreme effects that will affect their mental health long term if left untreated.
At the end of the day, parents should absolutely do what is best for their child, but can we please stop bashing medication as a possibility? You are making those in your life who do need medication — whether it be for ADHD or their mental health — feel like they should be ashamed. You’re also unintentionally telling your child that needing medicine is the worst possible thing and unacceptable. Medication should not be so inconceivable (said in my best Princess Bride voice) that we alienate the ones we care about. If nothing else, think about the lowest you’ve ever felt. Or consider a time when you felt like the only one who couldn’t do something. And now think how you’d feel if someone told you to just try harder, and take that into the next conversation you have about your child and their struggles. ADHD is hard, for everyone, but it’s also like having a superpower, just one that needs a special tool to help us wield the power correctly!
