When I was a kid, my mom kept the ship going so effortlessly. It all came so naturally to her. In our eyes, she was never stressed, but instead always laser-focused on making sure she got it all done. There was never a missed home-cooked meal, never a missed activity, never a missed sports practice or game. All holidays were celebrated joyously, and we missed out on nothing. Our childhood was magically perfect in every way.
She had everything she needed and nothing that she didn’t. This was the magical time before social media ruled our lives, and the constant comparison game wasn’t even a blip on her radar. She mothered by intuition and nothing else. I try to mother mostly that way, too, but who are we kidding? It. Is. Hard. Our culture has convinced us that inactivity or rest equals laziness. We’re fooled into thinking that if we’re not doing 20 more things than our already full to-do list says we need to do, then we are failing. The grocery list, the homework list, the sports lists, the repairs list, the chores list, the random things that the house needs list — I could go on and on! Carrying that mental load is exhausting, and mama, I see you.
But that’s just the thing. We AREN’T failing. We are THRIVING. (Even if you don’t think you are.) A couple of years ago, I felt completely burnt out trying to keep my head above water while also not allowing my own motherhood ship to sink. The labels and responsibilities I carry run a mile long, yet the only thing that truly matters to me is being their mother. Motherhood (and life, really!) has become a never-ending list of all the things to do. What happens if we don’t actually do them all? What happens if we say “no” to some things?
The thing they don’t tell you is that you have to create your own magical bubble, a bubble that only works for your little family. No two are alike. If there’s anything that I’ve learned in my first decade of motherhood, it is to give myself grace. Wash, rinse, and repeat. Life is hard enough without you beating yourself up constantly or thinking that you’re not doing enough. This is the first time your kids are the ages they are, BUT it is also the first time that you are the mother of a child who is that age.
Enter the holidays, and all to-do list stress breaks loose! The holidays were never meant to be a source of anxiety. True, it’s a time for hustle and bustle, but really it’s a time of togetherness and joy! As the resident Jacksonville Mom “Events Guide Gal,” I found that the more I filled every single time slot in my planner with yet another event, the less joy we actually felt. When I started to intentionally plan fewer family outings to do all. the. things., I found that I felt like less of a failure in motherhood. Instead, we choose just a few events to definitely check out, and then wing the rest if we feel like it. This is what has worked in our little family bubble to bring us all a little more peace.
If we don’t make it to the farm this fall for a little pumpkin patching, IT WILL BE OKAY. If we don’t attend that fantastical tree lighting ceremony with all the activities, IT WILL BE OKAY. If we don’t see a New Year’s Eve fireworks show up close and personal, IT WILL BE OKAY. Are you picking up what I’m laying down? Our kids just want to be with us. Plain and simple. No need to set yourself up for stress. Let’s all vow to go a little easier on ourselves this holiday season because we really are doing the damn thing the best way we know how.
