Summertime brings longer days and longer battles in the Florida heat. Our kids suddenly want to be outside and with their friends while we are trapped inside or in that Teams meeting (which could’ve been an email). We seem to be pulled in every single direction possible. Our role as a parent suddenly becomes “entertainer” or “chauffeur” for our kids who seem to have newly found free time, and let’s be honest, it can be exhausting.
READ: School’s Out… What Do I Do With My Kid All Summer? Woes From a Working Mom
If you have kids, then you know that summertime is a whirlwind of chaos. In the months and weeks leading up to the final bell of the school year, you are likely trying to get your child enrolled in summer camps, fighting like your life depends on it. Everything you know, the routine you enjoyed for the last nine months, is being thrown into a metaphorical blender, and chaos ensues. In between meetings, camps, doctor’s appointments and vacations, summertime, all chaos included, is an opportunity to reflect and refresh your family dynamics as you know them.
I will be honest with you: I am a teacher. My family dynamic may look a little different than yours, but my advice is still sound and aimed at helping you and your family to survive the summer without someone ending up in an asylum (or in divorce). Please note that these can be used to help families with two working partners OR one working parent/one stay-at-home.
1. Use a shared family calendar.
This is easily the most amazing and saving-grace tool I have in my house. If you’ve read any of my other posts, you would know that I live and die by a calendar, and it is a must-have for summertime. My calendar has everything from doctor’s appointments, my husband’s workout schedule, my research schedule, my son’s karate and tutoring schedules, to all our vacations (and my parents’ trips). I usually have a paper planner (and I prefer them to electronic ones), but in this instance, the electronic calendars trump all, because they are immediately updated.
2. Divide responsibilities with intention, not by default, and check in with each other.
One of the biggest sources of tension over summer break is when responsibilities are assumed rather than discussed. Set a time each week to sit down together as a family and look at the calendar. Figure out who is going to make meals, fold the mountains of never-ending laundry, or do camp drop-off and pick-up. Ask the kids who is going to pick up the mudroom or unload the dishwasher. You can start by doing the following:
| Partners | Families (With Kids) |
| 1. What are our biggest priorities for our family this summer?
2. What do each of our schedules look like, realistically speaking? 3. Who will take the lead on each major household chore or routine? 4. Are there days or times when one of us has more flexibility than the other? 5. How can we include the kids in the planning? 6. What is our backup plan in case the camp is canceled, one of us must work late, on call, etc.? |
1. What is something fun you would like to do over the summer (alone or as a family)?
2. How would you like to help our family this summer? 3. What is one chore (or helper job) that sounds the most fun? What is one chore (or helper job) that sounds the least fun? 4. What will help you remember to do your responsibilities? 5. How should we celebrate when everyone works together? |
For littles, remind them that a family is a team united. Together, everyone works to build something great and something truly theirs. It is also extremely important to check in with one another. This keeps everyone accountable, and it lets you realign and readjust for the upcoming week. When everyone comes back to check in, try out these questions:
| Partners | Families (With Kids) |
| 1. How are you doing this week, and do you feel supported?
2. Do our responsibilities still feel balanced, or do we need to make some changes? 3. How are the kids doing, and is there anything we need to talk about all together? 4. What does this week look like and what do we need to plan for? 5. How can we best support our family (and each other) this week? |
1. What was your favorite part of the week?
2. What was hard or frustrating this week? 3. How did we do working together as a family this week? 4. Is there anything you need from me (or us) to help you? 5. What are you looking forward to (or what should we do) next week? |
3. Protect “Family Time” at all costs.
I always say the most valuable gift anyone could ever give another human being is time. Once it is gone, it does not return. This isn’t Doctor Who, and there isn’t a TARDIS in disguise (although I wish there were). So why not make the most of the limited time we have? We live in a world filled with deadlines, practices, camps, errands, and 24/7 access to emails and notifications, and family time is usually the first thing to disappear from the calendar. It is easy to push it off or brush it off for later, so resetting and spending time together requires you to be intentional with the time. Historically speaking, I struggle with this area the most, ESPECIALLY during the school year. To combat this and refresh your family dynamics over the summer, put it on the calendar (going back to that shared family calendar). It is also a great opportunity to check in with your partner and the entire family. We take the time to switch it up to avoid the same ol’ dinner without screens.
| Ways to Protect Family Time | Ideas for Family Time |
| 1. Schedule it. Put it on the calendar and treat it like that much-needed doctor’s appointment (which you should probably follow up on).
2. Ditch the screens. Leave the phones in the car while you explore, or at the very least, put them on Do Not Disturb (DND). 3. Set a boundary and hold it. This means you may have to tell others “No” and that is okay. Your family comes first. 4. Celebrate the small moments. Family time does not require a long car ride or a weeklong stay at a luxury resort. Sometimes the most impactful bonds are formed in the comfort of home. 5. Make your own family traditions. This can be Saturday Strolls, Friday night pizzas, or bedtime stories each night. * *My son demands I sing “You are my Sunshine” every single night WITH the music box. * |
2. Make Friday night a pizza night. Head out for a nice slice, or buy everything you need at the grocery store (Publix BOGOs for the win!) and host your own pizza-baking competition. 3. Pretend it is 1950 all over again and eat a meal together at the dining room table without a single screen. TVs, no tablets, no phones. Nothing to do but talk and enjoy each other’s company. 4. Volunteer together! If there is a cause you and your family care about, give your time to making a difference. Nonprofit organizations appreciate donations of any kind, but time is the greatest gift you can give (especially while making a difference). 5. Check an item off your family summer bucket list together. Take that trip together, go visit family up north, or head to the beach. *I would not recommend painting a bathroom together. My sanity is at its limits with this endeavor. * |
Every family is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all outline for a refresh on family dynamics. The goal isn’t to have a perfect summer, because as we all know, summertime is loaded with chaos, and we bear the weight of school being out. However, we can shift the narrative and turn that chaos into an opportunity to reset and, hopefully, continue building strong, healthy family dynamics all year round.
