There are so many reasons why I decided to read the book For Women Only. However, I am going to spare the details of my inner life and talk about the inner lives of men, according to author Shaunti Feldhahn. What woman doesn’t want to know why her husband or boyfriend is the way that he is? Men have such a different way of dealing with their children, their emotions, their significant other, intimacy, and just life in general. To keep a long story…short enough for a blog post, I will start by saying, this book explains it all. Grab a latte, put your hair in a messy bun, try not to get offended (because this is research-based, not an author’s opinion), read this book review and then go sleep with your husband because that’s what he wants…but we all knew that!
Shaunti Feldhahn is an international speaker and social researcher. She conducted interviews and surveys with thousands of men and found that regardless of a man’s age, social background, relationship status, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, political point of view, etc. the vast majority of men think and function the same way. The phrase, “All men are the same,” really has so much truth behind it. According to Feldhahn, this book is a significant tool in helping women better understand their man.
Men want respect. Raise your hand if you would rather feel inadequate and unloved than disrespected… the vast majority of the men in a room are waving their hands in the air. If it doesn’t surprise you, the research shows that women are the complete opposite. Feeling unloved is one of our biggest fears not only by the man in our life but by our children. These details are all discussed in the book’s counterpart, For Men Only.
Behind your hubby’s strong and in-control exterior is a load of insecurity! He doesn’t want his inadequacies to be discovered, and no matter how successful he is in his career, he will always have the pressure of feeling like he wants to provide more for his family. The book further discusses that no matter how much a woman financially contributes, this does not relieve the mental burden of the providing man. He is always thinking about “bringing home the bacon” as we would say growing up in my home.
In the great words of Ludacris, men want “a lady in the streets and a…” you know how the rest of the song goes. All joking aside, your desire for intimacy with your husband deeply affects his sense of well-being and confidence in more areas than your relationship. It even carries into his confidence in the workplace and all other areas of life. So when he comes out of the bathroom dropping his towel and shaking his hips at you, this translates to, “Tell me/show me how hot I am to you, I need that to thrive!” Men are strange creatures, and it seems like a prescription of bow-chicka-wow-wow time with the wife can fix most ailments in a man’s life.
Men also revealed that they avoid issues by checking out. Your husband needs much more time to process his thoughts. I think most women will notice their man isn’t able to multitask with the kids as well as Mom. This carries over into a man’s ability to communicate. When you are wondering why he walked away and said he needed a minute, it’s because he wasn’t able to process everything as quickly as you were talking. This may shock most ladies, since the phrase, “Nothing is wrong” really means, “Yes, there are a million things wrong in our brains.” But, when a man says, “Nothing is wrong,” he actually wholeheartedly means it. There are no reading-between-the-lines scenarios. If he can’t multitask with the kiddos, he most definitely can’t multitask with his thoughts.
And he does care about your appearance. The dreaded statement for the haggard, tired mommy who barely has time to take care of herself. The book says men don’t care about their wife being a size 3, but they do want to see that their wife is making an effort to take care of herself. In the majority of situations, men will not vocalize this, but in surveys of thousands of men, this was very consistent. Does this mean it’s acceptable for my kids to occasionally eat Goldfish for dinner in daycare so I can make time for an evening workout? Hey, Mama’s gotta get in shape! For Women Only also stresses how men are visual and even the most faithful and loving husbands struggle (according to the research) with wanting to take an extra peek when they see a woman with a great figure. This explains why men admire when the woman they love makes an effort to take care of herself.
Feldhahn certainly knows her audience and closes the book in a way that diminishes the rolling eyes and makes your heart melt when she discusses that the No. 1 thing men wish they could communicate better with the woman in their life is how much they love her. Okay Mrs. Feldhahn, you have officially won me over!
