The Bachelor‘s Barb is Exactly the Kind of Mother I NEVER Want To Be

Barbara Weber, The BachelorAll season of The Bachelor, Peter Weber has been driving me insane. As far as I’m concerned, he’s been the worst lead ever; he’s indecisive, thoughtless, and clearly not ready for a mature relationship between two adults. He’s consistently rewarded girls that create drama and start petty fights, all while throwing victims of the mean girls under the bus (see: Alaya and Mykenna). There’s been his constant blathering on about how relationships shouldn’t be fun and easy, but should be hard work. He’s been insanely selfish, making emotional demands of his contestants while showing no sympathy for the turmoil they’re going through during the process. And instead of rewarding women who exhibit confidence and happiness, he consistently equated tears and melodrama with “real” love. It was maddening, and it made me seriously think that Peter is the absolute worst. But after this week’s two-night finale, it’s clear now exactly why he’s been acting this way all season. This week, we came face-to-face with the mother-in-law of every woman’s nightmares.

We first met Barb on Hannah B.’s season of The Bachelorette, where she was fine, if not a bit… odd. This was the woman who enthusiastically applauded and cheered when Chris Harrison, Hannah B., and Peter dished about the now-infamous four sex romps in the windmill. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that anyone did anything wrong in that situation, but am I the only mom who doesn’t want to know about my kid’s sex life… and have to hear the details numerous times broadcast on national television? You’d think it would be awkward, but not for Barb, apparently.

This immediately became more understandable after Peter’s season reached its conclusion. His final two consisted of Hannah Ann and Madison, two lovely girls who stayed above the incessant mean-girl bullying that went on throughout this entire season. Madison notably told Peter she would have a hard time if he slept with the other two girls during Fantasy Suites week. While sleeping with your final three, at this point, practically a rite of passage for The Bachelor, Madison committed the unforgivable sin of — gasp!! — not being ok with the idea of someone proposing to her just a few days after he had been intimate with two other women. During Madison’s meeting with Peter’s family, the two of them explained the situation to them, and instead of being understanding, or even just keeping her thoughts to herself, Barb was furious. She was, incredibly, angry that a woman her son was dating would have the gall of telling him who he could or could not sleep with. Peter’s brother likewise seemed incredulous at Peter’s insistence that he could, in fact, live without sex should Madison be his final one. It just, once again, brings up this question about why this family seems so obsessed, not just with sex, but with knowing the details of each other’s sex lives.

But the crazy behavior was just getting started. The infamous clip previewed all season, of Barb hysterically sobbing and begging Peter to bring “her” home to us, ended up being about Hannah Ann, who Barb declared was an angel and dream come true, after having known her for all of five minutes. Madison, meanwhile, Barb hated, and made no secret of it, either. Ultimately, Barb’s complaints boiled down to the fact that Madison argued that her feelings mattered too, while Hannah Ann seemed to only care about Peter’s feelings, even if it meant she was hurt along the way. When Peter announced he had proposed to Hannah Ann, we saw the second infamous clip of Barb screaming and sobbing hysterically. She referred to Hannah Ann — someone she had only met once! — as her daughter. It appears that Barb essentially wanted her precious boy’s partner to be a pushover who would smile and nod along, no matter how horribly he treated her. (Hannah Ann, by the way, is clearly not that pushover, either; she owned him after he cruelly dumped her, and I was here for it every step of the way.)

Things only got worse after Peter and Madison reconciled. Barb roasted Madison, ripping her to shreds, insulting her, and outright saying that it would never last between the two of them. Whenever Madison was on the screen, Barb could be seen scowling, shaking her head, and rolling her eyes. Madison defended herself beautifully, but the entire thing was a giant yikes.

But hey, now we know exactly why Peter’s behaved the way he has all season. Now we know why he’s a giant man-baby who rewards drama and conflict and crying and whining and bullying. That’s what he’s grown up with, apparently.

I don’t doubt that Barb loves her son. And whether her take on Madison might be right (or wrong if you are #teammadison), her behavior is like a perfect example of exactly the kind of mother I hope to never be. She’s overly involved in her son’s love life, makes his choices about her (instead of recognizing it’s about him), cannot respect her adult child’s decision making, and is furious that anyone might actually expect her perfect, spoiled man-baby to grow up and make them a priority as well. It doesn’t matter how Peter himself feels about Madison or if he is happy with her; Barb only cares how she feels about Madison and Hannah Ann. It’s the worst mix of narcissism, attachment parenting, and helicoptering, and it’s resulted in a 28-year-old man who acts like a 15-year-old boy. Let’s be honest: any relationship Peter gets in is doomed to fail until Peter learns to set some boundaries and cut the apron strings. Barb’s mothering is toxic, plain and simple. And God help me if that’s the kind of mother I become when my kids grow up.

Cassy Fiano-Chesser
Cassy Fiano-Chesser is a Jacksonville native and mom to six kids. Her husband is a Marine Corps veteran and Purple Heart recipient. She works from home as a blogger and a freelance writer, and they currently live in the Argyle area of Jacksonville. Benjamin is their oldest, born in 2011, and he loves being a big brother. Wyatt was born in 2012, and he has Down syndrome. Ivy came next, in 2013, followed by Clara, born in 2015, who is a diva-with-a-capital-D. Rounding out the brood is Felicity, born in 2017, and Lilly, born in 2007. They love discovering things to do on the First Coast and going on family adventures, as well as cheering on the Jumbo Shrimp and the Icemen.

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