Bringing a new baby into the world is an exciting time for parents as they make all the necessary preparations to welcome home a new family member. From buying baby items to prepping freezer meals, getting ready for the highly anticipated arrival can consume every waking moment. But if you already have a child at home, he or she may not be quite as excited about getting a sibling. The thought of splitting the attention and having to share toys may not sound all that appealing to a child. But there are a few things you can do to ease the transition.
Set expectations & have a conversation with your child
Parents should try to be aware of any big feelings their older child may have before bringing the baby home, said Julia “Jill” Garrett, PsyD, licensed psychologist and director of The Motherhood Space, Baptist Health’s maternal mental wellness program.
READ: Find Postpartum Support With ‘The Motherhood Space’
For children who are between the ages of 2 and 3 years old, have an age-appropriate chat to set expectations about what a new baby might need. This includes frequent feedings, diaper changes, being held, and getting a lot of sleep. Then be sure to explain that these were all things your toddler once required, too, when they were a newborn.
“Take the time to reminisce with your toddler about when he or she was a baby,” Dr. Garrett says. “Make this an experience you can share together. Look at pictures, talk about your baby shower and your first days and months as a family.”
Include the older sibling when baby comes
When you do have the baby, consider asking that family members bring a small gift for the big sibling so he or she feels included and special. You could also keep a few toys or trinkets on hand for those instances when visitors may arrive with something just for the baby.
The most important part is to make your child feel included. And don’t forget that toddlers love to help out Mom and Dad! Foster a sense of belonging and get your older child used to the new family dynamic by asking them if they want to sing to the baby, grab a diaper, carry supplies, or help with bathtime.
“This is a huge change for the new siblings, who often are still really babies, themselves,” Dr. Garrett adds. “Sometimes, older children will show their frustration by throwing tantrums, acting aggressively toward the baby, or even pretending to be a baby, themselves. This is expected and, in most cases, temporary.”
Set aside time with just the older child
“I encourage parents who are in the midst of big transitions, like having a new baby, to dedicate some special one-on-one time with the big kid,” says Dr. Garrett. “During this special time, put phones away, allow the big sib to choose what they would like to play, follow their lead during play, and enjoy! You’ll be excited to see how just some short and dedicated attention (and opportunities for control!) can impact big brother or sister.”
Having a family member spend special one-on-one time with your older child outside of the house gives you some much-needed time to rest when the baby is asleep. It also gives your big kiddo something to be excited about that is just for them.
Conversely, you can have a trusted friend or relative watch the baby for a bit so you and the big sibling can have some special time together. Even just an hour devoted to the older child can make them feel more included and help with any complicated feelings.
Don’t forget to care for yourself, too
If you’re struggling with any mental health concerns while expecting (or shortly after having a baby), The Motherhood Space offers many resources. To learn more, call (904) 376-3800 and select option 4.
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