I know it’s only June, but I’m taking the liberty and inciting Mariah Carey’s famous “iiiitttt’ssss tttiiimmmeeee” line to kick off summer. Because maybe, just maybe, if we force summer to start off with the queen, summer will feel as equally magical as the holiday season does with our kids. It seems unlikely given the scorching temperatures and one million percent humidity that seems to persist… but hey, a mama can dream, right?
A couple of weeks ago, I was chatting with a friend on her podcast about summertime and how I make it through summer with my kids. My first (and still very true) response was, “I send them to summer camp… because I still have a full-time job, class, and other responsibilities.” As we progressed in conversation, we moved into a discussion about how parents can make it through summer if their kids don’t go to camp. I had a few ideas — mostly revolving around lowering the expectations you have for yourself and your kids, because not every day can be, or should be, Pinterest-perfect or filled with pre-designed activities and parent-led fun. In discussing what it looks like to lower those expectations, a video I’d recently watched from Dr. Becky on Instagram popped into my head. If you haven’t seen it and don’t have time to click through and watch it, the TLDR is that our children’s boredom is not a problem for us to solve. On the contrary, boredom is important for our kids. The video I linked is quick and short, but she discusses this topic more in her book, Good Inside, and I can truly recall reading that section every time I implement boredom times in my house.
Letting our kids be bored is really hard… like, really dang hard. The whining, crying, begging, and messes that are created — it’s awful and will for sure drive you insane. At first. But I can attest that the long-term payout is worth the immediate annoyances. When I started implementing boredom at my house, two things increased: my level of irritation and the amount of whining I had to tolerate. After the first two or three times, though, I began to see a huge increase in creativity and critical thinking in my son, which is saying a lot for a non-neurotypical child. I’ve seen some of the most innovative LEGO builds (of his own creation, not guided by instructions of a pre-packaged set), detailed pieces of art, and structurally sound pillow forts come out of boredom.
How to Make ‘Boredom’ Happen at Home
Rather than just sharing my thoughts on the benefits I’ve seen in my kids, I thought it might be more helpful to offer some practical ideas and suggestions for those of us who are like, “Okay, sure, but how the heck do I even do that?”
Put on some calming music. I love to open Apple Music and put on a pre-created “focus” playlist. It’s usually a mix of instrumental, classical, and soundscape types of songs. It adds stimulation to the environment without giving our brains something specific to focus on, which can increase our brain’s creativity.
Find a phrase that you can fall back on when your kid comes up to you whining about “being so bored.” My go-to phrase is, “I hear you saying you’re bored, and while you may be having a hard time getting started on something, I can’t wait to see what your brain thinks of and creates.” For me, that response accomplishes the things that matter most to me in these conversations with my kids — acknowledging and validating their feelings, showing them that I believe in them with my excitement over their potential to make something amazing.
Keep a few small suggestions in mind that you can give to your kids in response. These shouldn’t be directions or instructions. Think “I wonder” type of statements. For me, this often sounds like, “I wonder what your brain could think of building today,” or “I heard your baby doll crying earlier. I wonder why.” These are gentle prompts to get their brains out of the “stuck” mode that they think they’re in.
If you’re going to build boredom into your children’s schedule, pull out a few toys or items they haven’t played with in a long time. I’m not suggesting that you pull out toys and tell them what to do with them or anything like that. But pulling untouched toys out and just sitting them in places where your children will be more likely to see them will increase the chances that they play with and engage with them.
This all really comes down to reminding ourselves that it’s not our job as parents to completely guide the thoughts and decisions of our kids. It’s our job to create safe spaces where our kids can play, explore, and feel confident enough to try new things. Allowing boredom to be a regular experience for our kids will increase their creative thinking and problem-solving skills. Additionally, the empowerment they feel from us to come up with something amazing and the excitement we share with them when they do come up with something new or innovative to solve their “boredom problem” will grow their confidence in themselves.
If you don’t trust me enough to take my word for it, here are a few resources that share the psychology and research that backs up the idea of boredom being important and powerful: PBS: Boredom Isn’t a Bad Thing, Child Mind: The Benefits of Boredom, and University of Virginia: Boredom Can Be Great for Kids.
