“Poopy butt.”
Okay, now that’s out of our systems, boys and girls — welcome to the Preschool Teacher Comedy Club! Take a page out of our day and laugh along with us… not at us.
That’s right, I said PRESCHOOL. Not daycare. If you check your tuition rate, you’ll see your child is being taught a curriculum. I am talking starting at age 6 weeks through VPK.
We are not your babysitter.
We, the people of preschools around the world, teach your child, not babysit all day. Don’t get us wrong, both are important roles, but we are getting paid to instruct. We are building a steady foundation for your bundle of joy to rise on!
Throughout our vigorous day, we follow lesson plans. We teach how to wipe butts. We teach how to voice, “I need space,” instead of initiating WWE on the playground. After said wrestling match, we clean up the battle wounds (or as some may say, “boo-boos”) with your child’s favorite Paw Patrol character Band-Aid.
Staying engaged with the children does not stop… like, ever. We do not go unnoticed. (I mean, mostly by the kids… but notice us PLEASE, PARENTS!)
READ: Dear Parent, From a Teacher: 8 Ways to Prep Your Child For Their First Preschool Dropoff
Our Inside Out emotions sometimes get the best of us. We cry with the criers, or we try to laugh off the sadness, anger, and anxiety. We truly have to hold in all of our emotions until closing time. “Alexa, play ‘Closing Time’ by Semisonic.”
While we’re on the topic of bangers, although you didn’t ask, my daily playlist consists of “Get It Sexy” on the way to school. *BOW BOW BOW* (If you don’t know it, play it IMMEDIATELY! You’ll thank me later for feeling like a bonafide baddie.
P.S. I am not on shift while writing this nor claiming a school of my own — please don’t sue me.
When I walk into my classroom, I switch over to my worship music and thank Jesus for my job. During this time, I am joined by a few kids who may have been dropped off at the peach crack of dawn. I end my morning dance party with a smooth transition into Kidz Bop.
I take Planet Fitness’ slogan to heart — JUDGE FREE ZONE, baby! Yep, your kids tell me they play those songs at home (yep, that’s okay, tattling isn’t necessarily a bad thing). We want our students to feel comfortable and go to their teachers for assistance — or to tell us everything. Mhmm, go ahead and talk more about us, they listen to everything and “tattle.”
We want to work together.
Okay, okay, okay — time to get serious. Let me start over, and give you a warm welcome to a new school year. Welcome to preschool! We can’t wait to meet you during “Meet the Teacher” and form a new connection with you. From second school mom to parent, I mean bestie to bestie, I mean teacher to parent.
Parents, we want to be on a professional team with you to help stamp a good experience on early childhood and your child’s school experience. We are not against you or want you fired! With your work commutes, we have your child sometimes from literally 7 a.m. to 6 p.m., a.k.a. open to close. Preschool teachers may die slowly by the end of the day, but we do it for you and your family!
We are happy to be there for your little one while moms, dads, and guardians are all trying to afford this awful economy — yeah, us too. (Preschool teachers make about half (or even less) of what elementary teachers make!) The difference is their students come somewhat independent, with an idea of routine and expectations, BUT it’s because “We, the preschool teachers” often teach them those methods before they enter elementary school.
SHEEEESH, WE TIRED!
Speaking of being tired, teachers love coffee, teas, snacks, chocolate, and sugar! I once was in a room full of 11 2-year-olds with my co-teacher, when I tripped and literally fell on my knees and face, but the worst part was my freshly bought large cup of sweet tea spilled everywhere. My only hope of the day was to survive… tears were shed, not because I physically hurt, but because my large cup of crack tea went everywhere.
Don’t worry, my amazing co-teacher went and bought me a new one. What an angel.
We are happy to help with potty training.
Buckle up, ladies and gentlemen because class is officially in session. Up next we are talking about everyone’s favorite subject: POTTY TRAINING!
I am a firm believer in canceling THE cancel culture but cancel those dang pull-ups with no velcro straps! They make us sad, very very sad. Pull-ups feel like diapers to the potty trainers, so they’re going to put a solid dookie poop in there and fill it up with urine anyway, so we only have two choices here: We pick up your big kid and put them on the changing table, rip the sides, then pull all bottom clothes off to put a new-nightmare-of-a-pull-up on. OR we have them take it off then poop and pee run down their leg. LAME. We love the pull-up with straps that velcro to the sides. Thank you, and amen. Potty training makes the teachers HUSTLE, it’s like we are playing a Minute to Win It.
Fun fact, I picked up a child with peepee trickling down his leg before a downpour of urine blasted out onto our outdated circle time rug, stood them in a toy bin, and carried the toy bin into the restroom to let the child finish going pee and clean himself up. Parents wouldn’t willingly participate in that game show all day, unless it’s Saturday and Sunday.
That’s why policies are our second language. Preschool teachers and parents should be teammates; let’s work together! Potty training is not a trend. Please do not jump into it because Chicago West, North West, and Penelope Disick are doing it. Your children have to show signs of interest and proof that they are ready, i.e. their pull-up is dry all day. When they are ready, we are so excited to work with you!
We want your child to wear appropriate shoes.
Jiffy feet, mulch stabbing your feet, and other shoes stepping on your toes is not fun. I know the Jesus sandals, jelly shoes, and trendy boutique sandals are cute, but save your child’s feet — thankfully, like I have the choice to save mine. I wore cute sandals one day, and I stubbed my big toe, ripped my pinky toe nail off, had a dirt imprint around the strap, and could not run around with your littles without daggers of mulch stabbing me. Who knew you would have dress code convos before they entered high school?!
Preschool is awesome! We teach through playing indoors and outdoors. We are your child’s own best friend and leader. As your child starts a new school preschool year, no matter what age from infancy to VPK, just know preschool teachers matter. Stay kind and please respect us.
Preschool teachers could create a book of our moments during each day, especially the funny ones. I hope this comedy show was worthy of 5 stars. I would say more, but I would be blacklisted from every preschool around — including the upper grades, as I work multiple jobs. (Yay economy!)
I can only legally speak for myself but I cannot wait for a new school year with your tiny comedian!!!
Our “Dear Parent, From a Teacher” series helps parents obtain the tools and insight to ensure a successful school year for their children. If you are a teacher who wishes to write a guest blog for this series, please email your topic to [email protected].
About the Author
As a single dog mom to the ever-energetic golden retriever Oakley, Alexis Giles brings humor and a touch of sass to everything she does. She has been teaching preschool rascals since 2016, is a registered behavior technician, and is a proud new substitute teacher of our public schools! A case of severe ADHD makes things fun 24/7, but if she can’t finish a conversation, please don’t be offended. An Aquarius at heart, Alexis is all about changing the world one generation at a time with a dash of wit and a lot of heart.
