Want to test if a marriage will survive?
Attempt to put up outdoor Christmas lights together.
Nothing will try your patience more than arguing over the placement of light strands while balancing on your tippy toes on the top rung of a ladder.
You’ve got your face pressed against the tree trunk — a strand of lights in one hand, hugging a limb with the other. You’re flinging your body every which way like a deranged elf in an attempt to wrap the lights in evenly spaced lines.
Tensions are high.
This is not the time to criticize your partner.
The last thing the person on that ladder wants to hear is how you can do it better or faster. They don’t need a Scrooge piling on to their stress; keep your “Bah Humbug” to yourself.
The person on the ladder is blinded by bark. They cannot see the other side of the limb they are unsteadily leaning against. And now it’s rapidly getting dark outside.
What they want to hear is where they need to hang the line.
But all they are hearing is a lot of chatter from the bottom of the ladder.
Unnecessary chatter. Non-constructive chatter. No need for such clatter.
And what good does that do, really? What does that accomplish?
Not a whole lot.
Are you trying to get the person on the ladder to climb down and storm off? Ruin the magical tradition with frustration? Be left alone to do all the work yourself?
That will just leave anger and disappointment on both sides. (Not to mention coal in your stockings.)
Take a deep breath and remember that you are on the same holly jolly team.
You have to work together toward this common goal, just like you do in your marriage. There is no purpose for being Grinchy or snarky. All that does is make the entire situation more stressful than it needs to be. It could also lead to resentment that can fester into something more.
The sooner you can connect and get the job done together, the sooner the person on the ladder can come down and get the tree bark out of her hair. Then you can all go back to being the jolliest bunch of you-know-whats this side of the nuthouse.
