Hey, Stepmom. I see you. I see you. I know what it feels like when you’re exhausted, when you’re crying in the shower, when you circle the block one more time because you’re just not ready to be home, when you don’t think you could possibly stand one more second of the stage your stepkids are in. I promise, you’re not alone. It’s hard. I mean, if being a stepmom isn’t on the list of the words hardest jobs, just throw the list away. It’s wrong. This. Job. Is. Hard. And stepmom burnout is a very real thing.
Mom Burnout: a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion experienced by mothers due to the prolonged stress and overwhelming responsibilities associated with caregiving and household management
Mom burnout is a real thing. And it’s hard. Now imagine for a second, that the little human you’re caring for is not your own. It’s not your child that you’re sacrificing everything for, losing sleep for, crying for, and losing yourself for. You’re doing it all for another woman’s child — and all the complications that go along with that. For me, it’s a stepchild with high-functioning autism, severe anxiety, OCD, and a high-conflict bio mom. Let me say it again. This. Job. Is. Hard.
READ: Life as a Stepmom
My number one defense against stepmom burnout is practicing healthy disengagement. I realize the word “disengagement” sounds harsh, but sometimes it’s necessary for a step-parent to maintain their own mental health and a good family balance.
STEP-PARENTING: even when it’s good, it’s complicated.
What a healthy disengagement looks like…
When you feel like the situation is too overwhelming for you, and has reached a place where it’s unhealthy for you, it’s time to take a step back. A healthy disengagement is simply taking a step back from your parenting role while maintaining a positive and supportive relationship with your spouse and your stepchild. This is not you waving all parental responsibilities and ignoring your stepchild. It’s greeting them with a friendly smile when they get home from school, instead of asking about homework, reminding them to study for their upcoming test, or asking them to clean up their room. Let your spouse (their parent) take on those responsibilities. Be sure to be open and honest with your spouse about your feelings, concerns, and your need for some healthy boundaries. I also highly recommend counseling with a licensed professional for the whole family. It’s worth the investment.
Here are some additional resources for my fellow stepmoms:
Above all else, remember to give yourself, your stepchild, and your spouse grace. None of us are perfect, and life is tough. Hang in there step mama. You’ve got this.
