Why I Stopped Telling My Son to ‘Make Good Choices’

If you’re a parent, you’ve probably sent your kid off to school with the classic reminder: “Make good choices!” It’s basically in the Parenting 101 handbook, right?

But here’s the thing: “Make good choices” is actually a pretty loaded ask. As adults, we’re faced with dozens of choices every single day, and let’s be honest, we don’t always nail it. (Hello, DoorDash at midnight. Was that really a good choice?) So, can we actually expect our 5-year-olds to consistently “make good choices” all day long?

That thought hit me hard as I prepped my son, an incoming kindergartener who is alllll things boy, busy, and brilliant, for his first big school adventure! Instead of piling on impossible expectations, I decided to shift my language. Instead of “make good choices,” I started saying:

“I can’t wait to hear how you were a leader today.”

That tiny tweak changed everything.

Now, instead of thinking he has to be “perfect” all day, he’s simply challenged to find one way to step up, show kindness, or take responsibility. It’s empowering and, honestly, it gives him a sense of purpose as he walks into the classroom.

And here’s the best part: His teacher must’ve been secretly tuned into our morning car ride, because during that very first week, she gave him the chance to shine. A classmate was struggling with the new routines and rituals, and my son jumped in to help. When I picked him up, he couldn’t wait to tell me about it. His little chest puffed up with pride as he explained how he helped his new friend.

That’s when I realized that asking, “How were you a leader today?” doesn’t just guide him, it helps him recognize what leadership looks like. Leadership isn’t always about being in charge; sometimes it’s about being compassionate, patient, or helpful. And those are qualities I’d choose for my son to carry with him far beyond kindergarten.

So now, our school-day rhythm feels a little different. Instead of chasing perfection, we’re celebrating small moments of leadership, one kind act, one brave choice, one helping hand at a time.

Because at the end of the day, isn’t that the kind of “good choice” we all hope our kids will make?

About the Author

Tamara Jules is happiest when she’s soaking up quality time with her son and making family memories. She also runs a full-time wedding and lifestyle photography business, where she gets to tell love stories and celebrate life’s most meaningful moments. When she’s not editing or chasing golden light, you can find her playing volleyball, exploring hiking trails, or running with her Jacksonville Runner’s Elite crew. Motherhood, creativity, and adventure are what keep her grounded and inspired.