Ah, teenagers. All of us apparently-now-old folks still remember what it was like to be young, so sure that we knew everything and that our style was never going to look bad later. Of course, those of us who grew up in the ’90s and were hitting up the club in the ’00s know how wrong that is. (So, so wrong.) My eyebrows have never quite recovered from the pencil-thin phase, and I still cringe at some of the things that were considered sexy and stylish. (Victoria’s Secret slipdresses over flare jeans, anyone? Yikes.) Now, of course, we’re older and wiser. We’ve figured out what works for us… and then along comes Gen Z (those born after 1996) with the worst fashion takes of all time. Well, little fashion babies, go ahead and take a seat, get comfortable, and grab a notepad… because you’re about to get schooled.
In case you’ve somehow missed out on all the things that now make us millennials look “old,” here’s a rundown: According to the neonates populating TikTok, skinny jeans and side hair parts are no longer fashionable. Now, it’s all about baggy jeans and middle parts, and in case you haven’t noticed when browsing Target with your Starbucks, pretty much the worst parts of ’90s fashion have come back to haunt us… including those horrific crotch-snap bodysuits.
According to Buzzfeed, Gen Z is even hating on coffee, pizza, and bacon, which is so insane in and of itself that we can safely assume their so-called “fashion advice” must be a hallucination from their bacon-free, coffee-less addled brains… but I digress.
Gen Z, y’all, trust me here: Us millennials, we are here to help you. Because right now, you’re walking around legit looking like this and proclaiming yourselves fashionable.
And no Gen-Zer should dare try to school us on what’s cool when they are, honest-to-God, acting as if they “discovered” yoga pants by rebranding them as “flare leggings.” I wish I was kidding. Honey, back right on up, because we INVENTED yoga pants. I’m glad you’ve finally realized how amazing they are, but we were rocking those “flare leggings” before you were even born.
@myfriend_megi rue the day when gauchos come back in style… what will they be called then?♬ original sound – meg
Maybe you don’t want to wear skinny jeans — that’s totally fine! But y’all, the answer to getting away from skinnies is not to go for modern-day JNCO pants. Believe it or not, there are wide-legged pants that still have shape to them and are ridiculously stylish (all hail Katharine Hepburn, the queen of wide-legs). Baggy mom jeans just ain’t it, and you will hate yourself for it one day, I promise.
And here’s another little secret (or two): Fashion, my sweet sweet infants, is cyclical. That means what you think you oh-so-brilliantly pioneered has long-since been done before. Over the past 10 years, fashion has taken inspiration from the ’70s, then the ’80s, and now, we’ve dropped ourselves into the ’90s, and y’all Gen Z kids want to act as if you can school the people who originated this stuff on how to wear it? Girl, please.
The other important thing to remember, and it’s something that you’ll probably realize too late, is that the worst thing you can do is chase fashion trends. Nothing looks good on everyone. Yes, some people will be flattered by a middle part, but others just won’t. Different cuts and styles of jeans will look good on different body types. The absolute best thing you can do is find what works for you, and rock it no matter what anyone else thinks. Forget being trendy. Find what makes you look fantastic, and stick with that. Of course, you won’t actually have the guts to do this until you’re pushing 40 with a cup of coffee perpetually in your hand because you’re too tired to give a f*ck what the infants behind you are saying is cool… but if you can start doing that now, you’ll thank yourself later.
Finally, don’t try to school us millennials. We were on social media before it was cool. We survived the worst fashion trends ever. You may think you know better than us, but… you really, really don’t.
The More Stylish Generation
This was spot on! And funny! Not only that I’m actually Gen X and agree 100%. I remember when teens were wearing moms jeans in the late 80s and they were bad then lol.
bro none of gen z cares at all
Hilarious! I’m glad I’m not the only who feels that these “new” trends are like a bad dream about junior high.
all white millennial fashion is the same shit. all of y’all are dressing with those basic ass curling iron curls bleached and toned to the max, bright colored shirts you bought off amazon prime that say things like “it’s coffee time” or “mama bear.” Every year your christmas cards are family pictures taken at the beach where everyone wears aqua and blue with some cheesy line on it like “Merry and Bright.” Your husbands have side parts and stubble and dress in board shorts and those striped tank tops with one one pocket on them. You name your kids the most weird ugly names on the planet like “Rivera” or “Paxton.” Your kids are spoiled crusty ipad babies who throw tantrums wherever you go and you read parenting books on how to get them to behave. You comment laughing crying emojis on mom memes and refuse to accept that you are in fact old, and instead choose to say the current teenagers are too young for fashion and need to take advice from you of all people. And 90% of your money you were supposed to be spending on your college debt is instead spent on starbucks, target, harry potter merchandise and free people. So please. Stop embarrassing yourself babes. Take your beach bathrooms and jeans you have to waddle to walk in to the exit.
95% of this is a wet dream lol. I’m a millennial and none of this pertains to me. Did you grow up in an all-white suburb or small town or something? Millennials are pretty diverse you know. And our ages range from mid twenties to mid 40s. That’s not exactly geriatric. You need to chill tf out and stay off the internet for a day if you’re gonna cry over an opinion piece. You’re making your generation look like a bunch of babies.
“This article hit too close to home so I have to lash out at the people who, 20 years ago, did all the same trends I think are fashionable now. I’m in denial and terrified of getting older or being ‘uncool’ so I am going to be a judgemental, condescending miscreant like my Boomer grandparents who singlehandedly tanked the economy and stunted political progress by being the most selfish, egotistical, emotionally unintelligent, unempathetic generation ever and leaning into their laughably unearned superiority complex.”
You know I gotta say, I know and work with a lot of gen Z and not a one of them is a bitter or hateful as you displayed in this comment. When I read it all I saw was evidence of your own insecurity and fear. I’m so sorry that you live with such chaotic inner turmoil. Don’t worry. One day you will grow up and what others say and think about you won’t matter to you anymore because your confidence will be build on a much more stable foundation then it is now. You will no longer earn your own sense of self-worth through purile attempts at destroying the self-worth of others. And I promise, you will be much happier and more well adjusted for it.
I just had to help my niece move out of her dorm at the end of the school year and it looked like there was an early 90s PTA meeting going on. I kept looking for a bake sale and expecting someone to pop out with orange slices and an Igloo thermos full of ice cold tap water when I got too hot. It was insane. I was surrounded by early 90s moms who had given up on life. Oddly, the young men looked mostly contemporary. Though one kid looked like he was ready for his time in the fountain with the rest of the ‘Friends’ cast. I have a lot of fashion regrets but none of them included looking like my grandmother.