I’ve been in and out of therapy for about twenty years. I’ve soaked up countless self-help books, podcasts, and documentaries, like a sponge. I’ve tried to find anything I can get my hands on to learn and grow. As a result, I’ve done some pretty profound work to grow as a person, heal, break generational trauma, and strive toward being the best version of myself in these last two decades.
After a powerful therapy session, I was asked to write a letter to my younger self as a “homework” assignment — a letter to the young, child version of me who didn’t have control over her environment. I chose age 11. I don’t know why, but that’s who I wanted to talk to. After procrastinating all week, I sat down at my desk and wrote a letter to my younger self. I was prepared for the writing to be painful, but it wasn’t. While writing, I was calm, nurturing, loving, and peaceful. I was surprised, and really proud of myself for not falling apart while writing. At my next therapy session, though, my therapist asked me to read the letter out loud. Before I even began, the tears started pouring from my eyes and an emotional floodgate burst open. My heart pounded, my breathing changed, my voice shook, and with each word spoken, the emotion swelled up inside of me. All of a sudden, I was no longer the adult version of me. I wasn’t the nurturer saying the words. I was the little 11-year-old girl hearing them.
– – –
“I’m sorry you’re hurting. You didn’t do anything to deserve the pain you feel. You’re beautiful. You’re loved. You’re more special than you know. And it’s okay that you have really big feelings. It’s okay. Let’s talk about it.
I know that you’re seeking love, acceptance, affection, and approval. Remember that God created you perfectly, and you are worthy of that unconditional love you crave so deeply. You’ll find it. I promise. Along the way, remember your value, remember that you’re a gift, and never settle for anything less than love and kindness from anyone. Remember that love is kind. If it’s not… it’s something else.
You’re so strong. When you feel those big emotions, breathe through them. Take a minute to feel what you’re feeling, acknowledge it, try to understand it, try to learn from it, and then let it pass before reacting or responding. There’s power in those big emotions that you feel. In that power, you’ll learn that you are your own hero, and you will do really beautiful things in life. Those big feelings are what make you special… not wrong. You’re not too dramatic, or too emotional. You’re not fake. You don’t cry too much. You’re not too much or too little of anything. You are perfect just the way you are.
You will stumble and you will fall along the way, but get back up and try again. When you know better, do better. Be better. Keep growing, keep loving, keep shining that beautiful light that’s inside of you.
Those big feelings you have… that’s what makes you so special. God gave you a heart big enough to feel other people’s pain and joy, along with your own. That’s an incredible superpower! You’re going to be able to use that gift to help others, and that’s beautiful. That’s love. And that’s what you were created to do.”
– – –
For the next week, I read that letter out loud to myself every day. Reparenting myself. Healing myself. And while the emotional scars weren’t healed in just one week, this simple yet powerful exercise launched a profound healing inside of me.
What about you? What would you tell your younger self? What would you say to the young version of you who couldn’t control her environment?
Maybe it’s time to write a letter.
