My boys have been practicing Brazilian jiu-jitsu for more than three years now, and never did I realize as a parent how challenging it would be for me to sit on the sidelines and watch them learn. More specifically, getting roughed up in the learning process. It’s an emotional journey at times, but I feel like I’ve gotten the hang of it now!
Let me preface by saying that the benefits that jui-jitsu has provided my boys have been amazing. They have learned a skill set to be able to defend themselves, how to handle pressure and tough situations, how to stay calm and de-escalate a situation, how to get out of bad situations, and how to be a team player and a good partner. In addition, the bonds they have formed with their teammates and coaches are friendships that are special outside of a normal friendship.
How many of your friends have you smashed and been smashed by and still loved them? Or in a tough training class and your upper belt buddy decided he or she would help you learn instead of roughing you up just because they knew they could? That’s the teamwork and bonding that happens when you or your child trains in jiu-jitsu.
However, as a mom, this can be tough to adjust to and watch at times, and it’s not for the faint of heart. My advice: Find another jiu-jitsu mom friend to help you work through the emotions when you start because the jiu-jitsu mom bonds are just as important as the kid ones. There’s a mom bond there that you both understand and support as your children train in this sport together! These people really start to feel like extended family, especially when you see them most days of the week.
I’ve leaned on my jiu-jitsu mom friends (and dad friends) to tell me it’s okay, to tell me this is all part of the learning process, and to support my feelings of nervousness. They cheer your kid on, and you cheer their’s on, too. You’ll watch your child get wrangled up and tangled up, and their mission is to get out of that, and your mission is to stay quiet and let them do it on their own. That’s hard at first!
In the beginning, I literally wanted to get up and yell, “STOP TRYING TO HURT MY KID,” and sometimes I have yelled out “TAP!” to my kids to stop a training drill because they were just too prideful to quit, and I worried they would get hurt. “Tapping,” as it’s called, is the universal code for immediately stopping your partner in whatever maneuver or drill they are doing to avoid getting hurt.
I’ve leaned on my fellow jiu-jitsu moms for this roller coaster of emotions, and now that I am a couple of years into it, I think I have the hang of it and hope I have provided that same support to some of them at certain times.
At a young age, your child will learn humility and to be humble and know when to accept defeat and be okay with it.
As they grow into the sport, you will witness a young leader being developed right before your eyes.
They will learn that not everyone will be best friends, but you can respect them just the same.
Coaches invest their time into your child to teach them the sense of duty and moral code in Brazilian jiu-jitsu and help them overcome obstacles.
Those coaches also train and compete, and want to see your child succeed. It’s just as rewarding for them to watch your child learn because they also form friendships with them, and those friendships grow over time, as well. It really is a great thing to see it all come together because it’s hard, tough work. I am very proud of my boys; their progress has really been enjoyable to watch as they grow in the sport.
So, as a parent of children learning jiu-jitsu, I’ve learned to trust the process and also let my kids work through their own emotions and use certain situations as valuable, teachable moments. Be humble, be a good partner, help someone learn, help a teammate prepare for a competition, be patient, and be methodical. Shake hands before and after every roll, smile at your training partner, less talking more jiu-jitsu! (As our coaches would say.)
A fun fact is that surfing and skating seem to go hand-in-hand with jiu-jitsu. Several highly regarded in the jiu-jitsu world such as Kron Gracie whose father and grandfather were pioneers of jiu-jitsu has stated in the past that skateboarding was his first passion, and Murilo Bustamante, born in coastal Rio de Janeiro, and one of the founders of Brazilian Top Team wanted to be a professional surfer.
READ: Being a Skateboarding Mom Is Not a Crime
If you or your child are interested in trying jiu-jitsu, remember: It’s a tough but rewarding sport. It might even take months and months for things to come together. Jiu-jitsu is not for everyone, and that’s okay, but the benefits you gain if you can stick it out will last a lifetime — and so will the friendships. You just have to know it might be rough and tough to sit and watch at first, but that is also life, right? Rough and tough. So, you got this. Oss!
