Dear Husbands,
It’s not much of a surprise that relationships between married women and their mothers-in-law can be… well, complicated. And perhaps the holiday that encompasses that the most is Mother’s Day. And guys, we know: You’re really, really caught in the middle. Your mother expects you to do something for her. Your wife wants to feel special, too. And you probably just want to make everyone happy. But here’s something, from all of us wives out there, that you really, really need to know: Guys, Mother’s Day is not about your mom. Not anymore, anyway.
We get it, you spent your entire life doing something special for her on Mother’s Day. You love her. You’re grateful for the sacrifices she made for you. These are all good things. But now you’re married, and your wife has given you children of your own. That means your focus, your priority, needs to shift from your mother, to the mother of your children. She takes precedence now. (Sorry, mothers-in-law.)
Right now, your wife is in the trenches. She’s going through the most difficult part of motherhood. She’s dealing with tons of stress and frustration every single day, whether it be crying babies and dirty diapers, toddler temper tantrums and potty training, or insane loads of homework, bullies, and adolescence. Being a mom means being selfless, pretty much every moment of every day. She’s always worrying about someone else, fixing everyone else’s problems, and rarely takes time for herself. Guys, your mom did all of this, too — but those days, for her, are over. So on Mother’s Day, you need to make the day special for your wife first and foremost.
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean forget your mom altogether. By all means, send your mom flowers. Get her a lovely gift. But ask your wife what she wants to do on Mother’s Day first, and if the answer is not “go to my mother-in-law’s house,” then don’t drag everyone to go see your mother. After all, it’s not Grandparent’s Day (and yes, that’s a real day, guys). There are other days you can devote to showering your mom with attention and gifts and pampering. On Mother’s Day, you need to focus on the woman who is currently in the throes of motherhood.
Let’s say that you really want to spend time with your mom on Mother’s Day — well, have no fear, because there are still ways to make this a win-win situation. There are a couple of options here: First, you can see your mom the Saturday before Mother’s Day. The second, and likely better, option? Pack up your kids, and take them to your mom’s house… without your wife. Plan a special day for her that she can have all to herself — a nice brunch, a mini shopping spree, the chance to see that movie she’s been wanting to see, a day at a spa, or heck, even just the ability to enjoy her empty house where she can read and nap without getting interrupted a million times by tiny people who always need something. Moms rarely get time alone, and this can give her the opportunity to get a much-needed break for rest and relaxation, while you still get to spend time with your mom.
Of course, there might be the chance that your wife says she wants to spend the day together, as a family — no mother-in-law’s house. And in that case, then sorry, guys, but you’re going to have to cut the apron strings and put your wife first. She should be the main woman in your life now. You should be treating her like that every day, but especially on Mother’s Day.
One last note: Us moms, we’re not saying you shouldn’t do anything for your mom on Mother’s Day. Again, get a gift for her! Do something special for her. But just remember who the main mom in your life is now. And for the love of all that is holy, do not make your wife responsible for your mom’s Mother’s Day. Your wife should not be worrying about making sure your mom has a fantastic Mother’s Day while her special day is all but forgotten. Your wife doesn’t need to be picking out your mom’s gift or planning a visit to her house or arranging a Mother’s Day brunch for your mother. You need to take on the responsibility of doing something nice for your mom, but especially something nice for your wife. It’s a lot, we know. But trust us, feeling special and loved and valued, and being put first for one day out of the year… it goes a long way for us moms, especially as we’re battling the everyday stresses of motherhood. We’re not saying not to remember your mom; we’re just saying, don’t forget us, either. Because, sorry guys, but a day dedicated to making your mom feel honored doesn’t make us feel that great. So for today, put us first.
Love,
Wives and Moms Everywhere
As a husband stuck in the middle, I couldn’t agree more. I actually lay the blame for any friction on this day with the mother-in-law. I find it selfish that she (my mother) doesn’t understand the dynamics of this day and continues to expect time and attention on this day. It is always the worst day of the year for me….because of my mother. I wish there could be a movement to have separate mother’s days…one for the mother of your child(ren) and one for your mother.
For every one that says they disagree, that the husband’s mother shouldn’t be forgotten … You obviously didn’t read this whole article. It says in here multiple times that the husband shouldn’t forgotten and something should be done for his mother !!!!!! Just not the whole entire day.
So in my family we basically honor all the mothers, which is very stressful and , I , as a mother, feel like I’m doing to much running around, calling, buying whatever. I DONT GET TO RELAX. And if you don’t do anything or tell anyone happy mother’s day, my family gets butt hurt.
So what I plan to do, LIKE IT SAYS IN THE ARTICLE, Do something nice for the husband’s mom on the Saturday before, not just the husband, but the whole family. As well as do it for the wife’s mom. Split the Saturday to spend time with both. But make sunday, actual mother’s day, ABOUT THE MOM.
I agree with this 100%. No he shouldnt forget about his own mother but she hasnt had kids to take care of in 15 years! Im the one at home caring for his children. And while they are young it falls on him to make the day special.
Sorry but mother’s day its that: mother’s day. So as a husband you celebrate your wife being one and ensure your kids do the same, now and for the future honoring your mother. It’s not that it has to be mom over wife but this article sounds like wife has to be over mom. I think both deserve their place.
God’s word says Honor your mother and father and you will live a long and prosperous life. I understand and accept fully that a wife is #1 in a son’s life. It hurts a mother when she cannot be recognized on the actual Mother’s Day (which I know doesn’t matter to some). A mother doesn’t have an expiration date. I raised my kids alone when my first husband left me. I was both mother and father for the most part. Regardless of that, I think it is selfish on any person’s part to force a spouse to choose. Couldn’t a son spend the majority of the day with his wife and children but save an hour or so for his mom, who gave him life? For someone to demand that they not see their mom on the actual day when they know that hurts the mom is not a giving, loving and sharing heart. If it doesn’t matter to the mother what day its celebrated, fine but for myself, I find it heartbreaking that I’m not given even an hour of time with my son. I couldn’t see it in my heart to make a spouse choose and to disregard their worth on mothers day as well. Yes, the actual day – not another day. Kids grow up to be adults and this lesson you are teaching them may come back to hurt you terribly. If we know we are causing heartbreak to another and it is within our power to work something out for both parties, that is how we are to live – in peace. It’s a selfish person who can’t share.
My ex husbands birthday often falls on Mother’s Day When my daughter was small, his idea of a perfect Mother’s Day was for me to do all the cleaning and cooking, have his entire family for
Sunday dinner at our house and celebrate his mother and his birthday. I worked full time. His mother was retired. His sister in law was a stay at home mom with 4 kids so she was too busy. Mom in law and I rotated the other holidays. My parents lived 1000 miles away. I was a nurse so I would volunteer to work Mother’s Day. That threw everyone into a tizzy. Just cards and cake on those years. I still hate Mother’s Day though I am remarried and he makes me feel special. We celebrate Mother’s Day the week after, going to a brunch with my daughter and son in law and we pick up the tab. She spends Mother’s Day with her mother in law or her father if it is his birthday. She has no children after watching her parents fight. I think Moms with young children deserve the day. Same with Dads. If you are in the trenches of child rearing, it is your day.
Agrée 100% with the article. Those who disagree are probably grandmas that have forgotten what it’s like to have young children. Or, could be a regional difference. Definitely where I am Mother’s Day is for the people who are currently in the trenches of motherhood.
You have nerves of steel to be a blogger and put it all out there like that. Good for you.
Happy Mother’s Day.
And there better be some pancakes and a mimosa waiting for me downstairs!
I 100% agree with this. Acknowledge your own mother by doing something special, but your immediate family and wife should ALWAYS be the #1 priority once you are married and become a parent. If you have a great relationship with your parents and in-laws and want to include them, great! Mine is a little strained and they always pressure and guilt my husband into plans they make when I just want to spend a low-key day at home with my family. I certainly don’t want to be pressured or guilted into celebrating my MIL without consideration for what I want. This is how I approach Father’s Day for my husband. I never commit to plans my MIL tries to pressure me in to without seeing what my husband wants first and foremost. I call or send my Dad a card or do something special for him the day before, but Father’s Day is for the father of my children. If your family dynamic is different and that works for your family, great, but please realize that isn’t the case for everyone. I will raise my children to honor and pamper the mother and father of their children on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, while my husband and I celebrate ourselves together.
For all those saying that your wife is not your mother, that’s true, but “mother’s” means the day belongs to moms. All moms are to be celebrated and acknowledged, but your wife and your family unit are first and foremost. Always.
Its one of those one sided artilces written in a way as if this is the truth. Its stupid. Mother’s day is about your Mother and then all the Mother’s in your family including your wife. Just because you are now married does not mean she would remain the only woman in your life. No one can replace your Mother. Situation is ironic when the wife expects alot to feel special on this day by you but does not choose to wish husband’s Mother.
Lol the nerves cant wait until your sons grow up and make ypu second fiddle on your day lol wish i could be there to laugh ????