The End of My Breastfeeding Era

Author's Disclaimer: I firmly believe that "Fed is best." No matter if you choose to breastfeed or formula feed, you are still a good mom. In no way do I feel superior, and I recognize the privilege that breastfeeding is. This is just a depiction of my journey.

A little over 3.5 years is how much of my life I have collectively dedicated to breastfeeding my three little ones. I breastfed my oldest daughter for 18 months and my son for 15 months. My baby girl just turned 1 last month and our breastfeeding days have surprisingly slowly come to an end. I’ve spent countless hours proudly nursing on demand in just about every location you can imagine, from the car to church to restaurants to Disney World. No place was off-limits for me.

If I’m being honest, this phase of motherhood ending is a little bittersweet. I loved the extra cuddles around the clock, how convenient breastfeeding was, and the added health benefits. However, I didn’t enjoy being connected to a pump every three or so hours when I needed to be away or the anxiety I had around whether my body was producing enough milk to keep up with my baby’s appetite. It also bothered me how others would view moms choosing to nurse in public with or without a cover.

READ: 10 Thoughts All Moms Will Have While Breastfeeding

But I did it. And now after 45 months of using my body as a source of nourishment for my kids, my breastfeeding era is ending.

My breastfeeding journey

I never thought I would breastfeed any of my kids. I didn’t come from a generation of moms who chose to breastfeed, so I didn’t think it was normal. But after finding out I was pregnant with my first nearly nine years ago, I wanted to go against what I was accustomed to. I decided to breastfeed, and I sought out every resource I could to learn the ins and outs of how to make breastfeeding my newborn a success.

To my surprise, learning to breastfeed (because it didn’t come as easy as I thought it would) wasn’t too difficult for me. Following a few trips to visit the lactation consultant after leaving the hospital post-delivery, we were off to a great start. Luckily, I didn’t have to worry about lip or tongue ties, a low milk supply, or dairy allergies which would have required a diet change that I had read so much about. My experience nursing the next two kids was the same. I knew what to expect, so it got easier each time.

While breastfeeding may have been without physical challenges, there was a mental load that came with breastfeeding that I wasn’t aware of. Even though I enjoyed the extra cuddles, I didn’t like being touched so frequently throughout the day. Nor was I thrilled at being available on demand for cluster feedings, having sleepless nights, or managing my supply during nursing strikes.

All in all, I’d do it all over again to have three healthy, happy, and thriving kids.

READ: Breastfeeding: The Struggle Is Real (Like, Really Real)

Things I’ll miss about breastfeeding

To be honest, the highs and lows sort of flow together. Like how you don’t remember the pain of childbirth until you’re ready to deliver a baby again, my breastfeeding journey has been pretty much a blur. Some parts of breastfeeding I will miss though. I’ll miss being a source of comfort and nutrition for my babies. Yes, I know I’ll still be able to soothe my kids in other ways, but the instant gratification they received from breastfeeding was like no other.

I hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way, but also, I loved being able to sneak away with my baby for a moment of silence while attending an event or visiting with family. Don’t get me wrong, I love being around others and having the opportunity to chat with adults, but sometimes I get overstimulated when I’m out with the kids, and I need just a moment to decompress.

Things I won’t miss

Not to state the obvious, but I won’t miss pumping. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the option to nurse around the clock as a working mom. So, every three hours or so, I was plugged up to a breastmilk to ensure I had milk for the next time I’d be away. Thanks to the advancement of technology, I was able to use a wearable breast pump this time, which honestly was still annoying, but it was a lot better. Keeping track of feedings, extra dishes, and having to constantly step away to pump was no joy though. It was a lot of work truthfully.

READ: 5 Tips From a Full-Time Working (and Breastfeeding) Mama

What I’m looking forward to

Now that this stage of motherhood is practically behind me, I’m excited about wearing normal bras again (even though I wish bras weren’t a thing) and not choosing clothes based on whether they are nursing-friendly. I will be able to practically make plans on a dime without stressing if I will have enough milk to cover the length of time I’ll be away. I’m also looking forward to having an extended weekend away without having to have my breast pump in tow.

I’m so proud of the fact that I was able to breastfeed all three of my kids. This was a huge accomplishment for me, especially after seeing generations before me opt to take another route. It still amazes me what bodies can do. This has been such a beautiful journey. As I end this chapter of motherhood through tears of joy and gratitude, I openly welcome what’s to come.

Kayla Trapp
Born and raised in Jacksonville, Florida, Kayla Trapp is a wife and a millennial mom of two littles. During the day, you can find her working hard as a corporate professional and by night she’s making memories with her family. As a believer of intentionally celebrating all life moments, Kayla’s blog, The Trapp Haus, was created. You can follow her journey over on Instagram @TheTrappHaus where she shares her imperfect life, DIY projects, crafts, and everything in between.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here