As a child and adolescent therapist of gifted children and high performers, I know that the brains of our kids are capable of complex things. However, even gifted, creative, and high-performing kids can only bring awareness to so many thoughts at any given time.
Try thinking about every single thought that you have ever had at once. It feels impossible! According to an article published by UC Davis Department of Psychology, Charan Ranganath, professor in the Department of Psychology and the Center for Neuroscience, states, “The brain prioritizes memories that are going to be useful for future decisions.”
This means that our brain space is so valuable. There’s only so much that we can maintain our current focus on before our brains need to push aside, filter, or forget memories, thoughts, situations, etc. to keep us functioning in the present.
What’s my point? Imagine if our kiddo is filling up their brain space with unhealthy thoughts like, “I can not fail at anything that I do.” or “I’m so stupid.” or “No one likes me.” This kiddo’s brain would be filled primarily with self-defeating thoughts which could lead to self-sabotaging future actions.
Now imagine a kiddo who is maximizing their brain space by allowing in mostly healthy thoughts. This kiddo may have thoughts like, “I can try again.” or “I don’t know how… but I will figure this out.” or “I will find a group of people who will like me for me.” This kiddo would likely feel encouraged which could lead to future actions that increase their happiness and confidence.
The best part of it all is that the more we fill our brains with healthy thoughts, the less space our brains may give us for unhealthy thoughts.
Remember, our thoughts lead to feelings — which lead to the actions that we take.
Now here’s the most important part: We must first let our kids feel and express their negative thoughts (within appropriate limits) before they feel safe enough to access their positive thoughts.
This means that we should let our kids know that we see their struggles and that we know things may be difficult for them. After our kids realize that we understand their pain, then they may be more willing to make space for healthier thinking.
So, let’s help our kids use their awesome brains to make space for positive thinking that allows them to maximize their potential!
About the Author
Erica Whitfield is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who has a Masters in Counseling Psychology and over 10 years of experience working with children and adolescents. She is the Founder of Positive Development, LLC, a counseling practice for youth located in Jacksonville, Florida. Erica combines expressive therapies using art, music, physical movement and writing, with evidenced-based therapeutic modalities such as CBT, solution-focused and positive psychology approaches to help children and adolescents process past trauma, transition during difficult life adjustments, form healthier relationships, perform better in school and work through self-harming behaviors. She specializes in providing strengths-based counseling and has helped hundreds of youth unleash their capabilities, transform obstacles into opportunities and find healthy ways to express their energy and creativity.
