Dear Husbands,
It’s not much of a surprise that relationships between married women and their mothers-in-law can be… well, complicated. And perhaps the holiday that encompasses that the most is Mother’s Day. And guys, we know: You’re really, really caught in the middle. Your mother expects you to do something for her. Your wife wants to feel special, too. And you probably just want to make everyone happy. But here’s something, from all of us wives out there, that you really, really need to know: Guys, Mother’s Day is not about your mom. Not anymore, anyway.
We get it, you spent your entire life doing something special for her on Mother’s Day. You love her. You’re grateful for the sacrifices she made for you. These are all good things. But now you’re married, and your wife has given you children of your own. That means your focus, your priority, needs to shift from your mother, to the mother of your children. She takes precedence now. (Sorry, mothers-in-law.)
Right now, your wife is in the trenches. She’s going through the most difficult part of motherhood. She’s dealing with tons of stress and frustration every single day, whether it be crying babies and dirty diapers, toddler temper tantrums and potty training, or insane loads of homework, bullies, and adolescence. Being a mom means being selfless, pretty much every moment of every day. She’s always worrying about someone else, fixing everyone else’s problems, and rarely takes time for herself. Guys, your mom did all of this, too — but those days, for her, are over. So on Mother’s Day, you need to make the day special for your wife first and foremost.
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean forget your mom altogether. By all means, send your mom flowers. Get her a lovely gift. But ask your wife what she wants to do on Mother’s Day first, and if the answer is not “go to my mother-in-law’s house,” then don’t drag everyone to go see your mother. After all, it’s not Grandparent’s Day (and yes, that’s a real day, guys). There are other days you can devote to showering your mom with attention and gifts and pampering. On Mother’s Day, you need to focus on the woman who is currently in the throes of motherhood.
Let’s say that you really want to spend time with your mom on Mother’s Day — well, have no fear, because there are still ways to make this a win-win situation. There are a couple of options here: First, you can see your mom the Saturday before Mother’s Day. The second, and likely better, option? Pack up your kids, and take them to your mom’s house… without your wife. Plan a special day for her that she can have all to herself — a nice brunch, a mini shopping spree, the chance to see that movie she’s been wanting to see, a day at a spa, or heck, even just the ability to enjoy her empty house where she can read and nap without getting interrupted a million times by tiny people who always need something. Moms rarely get time alone, and this can give her the opportunity to get a much-needed break for rest and relaxation, while you still get to spend time with your mom.
Of course, there might be the chance that your wife says she wants to spend the day together, as a family — no mother-in-law’s house. And in that case, then sorry, guys, but you’re going to have to cut the apron strings and put your wife first. She should be the main woman in your life now. You should be treating her like that every day, but especially on Mother’s Day.
One last note: Us moms, we’re not saying you shouldn’t do anything for your mom on Mother’s Day. Again, get a gift for her! Do something special for her. But just remember who the main mom in your life is now. And for the love of all that is holy, do not make your wife responsible for your mom’s Mother’s Day. Your wife should not be worrying about making sure your mom has a fantastic Mother’s Day while her special day is all but forgotten. Your wife doesn’t need to be picking out your mom’s gift or planning a visit to her house or arranging a Mother’s Day brunch for your mother. You need to take on the responsibility of doing something nice for your mom, but especially something nice for your wife. It’s a lot, we know. But trust us, feeling special and loved and valued, and being put first for one day out of the year… it goes a long way for us moms, especially as we’re battling the everyday stresses of motherhood. We’re not saying not to remember your mom; we’re just saying, don’t forget us, either. Because, sorry guys, but a day dedicated to making your mom feel honored doesn’t make us feel that great. So for today, put us first.
Love,
Wives and Moms Everywhere
You do not choose your mother, she chooses to have you. You choose your wife. You can only have one real mother (adopted counts as real mother) but you can have more than one wife. Your mother is your mother all your life. You can’t divorce her, you can’t cheat on her. Your number one female is yout mother until you marry, then your wife becomes number one. But your mother is still your mother and if you and your wife don’t think she needs to be celebrated on Mother’s day then you are selfish and attention seeking. Love for your mother continues agter you are married and if your wife is jealous of that, then give her a gift card for a therapist for Mother’s Day.
Agreed! From a mom of 2 boys, I’m going to adore my daughter in laws, because if my sons love them, I want to love them and have a wonderful relationship with them. But a bouquet of flowers from my sons on Mother’s Day isn’t too much to ask, after I carried them for 9 months (they were also both a week late!) and made them my number one priority every second of my day. And as a daughter in law, I actually would be so hurt to know my husband didn’t acknowledge my mother and my mother in law.
This is the most selfish thing I have heard in a while. We’re talking about your mother for Christ sake. I feel the day should be treated for all mothers. If your wife feels that this should be another anniversary for her then she is selfish this day is a day for mothers all mothers. My wife is celebrated on her birthday, valentibes day , anniversary, Christmas and any other time through the year. Woman who feel this way are completely selfish. I’m teaching my boys to honor there mother daily but especially on this day. I give them my card and let them spoil there mother from them. I get my wife some flowers and a card for being a great mother to our boys but I’m spending time with my mother as long as I can and she is here on this earth. People are so selfish these days
I’m a mom and grandmother. Every year since I was first married in 1961 I always had my mother over for dinner. I was glad I could do it and I know she loved it. However, my son and dil have never had me over for anything for Mother’s Day. Yes, it hurts. I know my dil is a mother too–but I’m not going to be here forever. I got a lovely card from my son yesterday and that is my clue that I won’t be seeing them. They always have managed to be gone Mother’s Day weekend. I feel there is a happy medium. If you are going to be in town, why not have your Mother for a simple brunch on Saturday and have the full day with your wife on Sunday. If you are just going to the coast which is only an hour away (about), invite your Mother to come down for the day and have a nice day together at the coast. There are ways, if you want, to celebrate your wife and your Mother!
You know..I’ve read this article twice…and still what comes across to me is that the woman who wrote it must not have a good relationship with her own mother. That can be the only reason, I can think of, that would make her so demanding of her husbands attention on mothers day. She is not his mother, but commands her husband to keep his own mother separate on this special day..shame one her! Her husbands mom will not live forever…and if he lives close enough…he should go see her. Her mother-in-law raised the man she fell in love with..the father to her children…where is her respect? This generation of young women are so self-absorbed…self-centered…selfish. I just want her (the writer of this rubbish) to know children learn what they live…one day you will reap what you’ve sown.
I have to go out to eat with my mother in law on Mother’s Day. I hate going out to eat on Mother’s Day because the restaurants are so busy. I prefer to grab some food and go on a picnic lunch. This reminds me of what I used to do with my mother on Mother’s Day when I was a child (she passed away 8 years ago). If I tell my husband I would prefer not to go but he is welcome to go, he would be all drama king. I am not big on gifts, but I guarentee there is no card or gift because my husband doesn’t think of those kinds of things. I have found that I am less disappointed if I have no expectations for the day. It hurts less to consider tomorrow just another plain and ordinary day.
I couldn’t even read the whole article. From the bit I read it sounds as if it were written by an angry house wife who’s husband just left to visit “she who must not be named” (the house wife’s mother-in-law). I get it, wives are often mothers too. I think the biggest role a husband or father can play on Mother’s Day is that of role model. By making Mother’s Day about his mother he’s showing his children how the celebration of his mother is life long. This isn’t to say wives aren’t important on Mother’s Day. They are, and the husband should acknowledge that. Breakfast in bed and a card should suffice.
Written by a very narrow minded individual who has true millennial thinking. I would feel sorry for the parents who have you as a daughter in law. You sound like the type who is the first one to arrive at the funeral home hoping to over hear if your husbands parents left you anything in their will. Wouldn’t it be great if the last line of that will said you get nothing. ps “Happy Mothers Day”.
This proves my point that in our world today the younger generation is so totally clueless. Mother’s Day is not wife’s day. Yes they may be the mother of his children but have the kids make cards and pick flowers and then allow the husband to be with his mom (if that’s what he chooses) but you get him 7 days a week. Don’t try and take that special day away from his Mother. This Mother’s Day my dil planned a trip with her mother out of town with her side of the family. My son was expected to go. When he found out it was on Mother’s Day he apologized but said he wanted to keep the peace. I just smiled and said go be with your little family and have a good time but it hurt me to the core but I didn’t say a word nor will I. I wouldn’t put that pressure on my son because I am his mother and will always try and make him feel at ease.
Wow these comments are so entitled and triggered. When my children grow to adulthood of course their spouse comes before me OF COURSE. These are simply responses from selfish Monster in Laws that think their sons are their pseudo boyfriends and should be babying them on Mother’s Day rather than appreciating the MOTHER of their children. These are the same women who received the benefits of Mother’s Day when they had small children at home, and don’t see any reason that they should pass the torch or allow their ADULT sons to assist their children with making the day of current mothers of young children special. Then they have the audacity to call young mothers selfish because these mother in laws with emotional incest problems don’t see why other mothers should ever matter. So creepy and so telling. If you can’t share your 25-40 yr old adult son with his wife perhaps you should remember that you’re no longer breastfeeding.
You sound toxic.