I’m no expert. I feel like that needs to be said every time I sit down to write a blog post that starts with anything related to “the best time to…” or “how to know when…” The reality is that I’ve raised a daughter to the age of thirteen and a son to the age of eleven, and I still feel like I have no fricking clue. There are times that I wing it every single day.
Even though I’m confident I give off a “parent who’s just winging it vibe,” that doesn’t stop people with younger kids from asking me questions about what to do in certain situations. I’m the one who’s gone before them, so because the parenting books that give definitive advice on when to do things like start solid foods and begin the potty training steps are no longer relevant, that’s really the only option. It has nothing to do with my expert knowledge.
The above disclaimer aside, I was asked to write a blog about older kid milestones. I’m happy to give it a shot and offer up my wisdom, or lack thereof, but I really only have one way I can tackle this blog–with my own experiences. My way might work for you and it might not, but if you’re still reading after the above confidence I’ve instilled in my ability to educate you, here it goes.
The Great Cell Phone Debate
Honestly, this one didn’t seem like such a big deal to me. I wasn’t really worried about them getting connected to a device and removing themselves from human interaction. They already had iPads and video games and computers, so the cell phone was really less about them and more about me. As they started Junior High, I wanted to know that if they needed me, they could reach me. On the flip side, I wanted to know that if I needed to track them down, I could do so. The closest time we had contract renewals on our service to the date they started Junior High was the day they got their first phones. We’ve had multiple cracked screens, heated data usage conversations, and a few discussions about why it’s not necessary to upgrade every time Apple decides to release a new phone, but it’s honestly been uneventful. Neither of them are talking on their phones until all hours of the night and the worst thing I’ve found in my son’s search history is “middle finger and taco emoji.” I call that a win.
When To Stop Using a Babysitter
This one is tricky. Every kid is different, and there are a variety of reasons why some kids might be able to stay at home earlier than others. We just started leaving the kids home alone on a regular basis over the last year. The trick to success here was baby steps. They stayed at home if we were going to be in the neighborhood and could get back easily or if we were just taking a quick run to the store. After things went smoothly, we pushed the boundaries to going out to dinner, and now they are able to stay home any time mom and dad need a break. I’m not gonna lie, this is glorious and for all you moms out there in the trenches, hold onto the knowledge that one day, you too can leave your kids at home to eat frozen pizza while you go out and eat like an adult.
With Freedom Comes Responsibility
Honestly, this was harder for me than leaving them home alone. There’s something that feels safe about knowing they are in my house. Watching them ride their bikes away into the great big world is a whole different story. For this one, we assess every situation differently. Who will they be with? How far are they going? Will there be adults available if something comes up? Also, reachability is key, which is where those phones come into play. If I call or text, they better answer. As they get older, these decisions will get trickier such as movies with friends. Honestly, I have no clue what my answers will be, but I believe this one will always fall into the decision by situation category.
The bottom line is that the older my kids get, the more I realize that there is no one size fits all approach to parenting. Even amongst my kids, what works for one doesn’t work for another. All you can do is know and understand your children as they grow and make the best decisions you can make knowing that you might have to pull back, course correct, and remember that there’s always someone who went before you that can be your guide.
