“Mom, why are you so mad?”
Those few words coming out of the mouth of my tiny little girl who just turned 3 — heartbreaking.
I wasn’t even “mad.” It was just another day. She was sitting on the potty and I had gone in to pick up the toy she dropped, for the third time. I must have let out a big sigh, which is what prompted her to ask me that question in her sweet little voice.
I immediately changed my attitude and put her little cheeks in my hands and said, “I’m not mad! Why do you think I’m mad, sweetheart?”
“Because you went like this, ‘Huuuuuuhhhh.’ (her impression of my big sigh). Did I mention she is only 3?
After I had reassured her I wasn’t mad, I left her (still on the potty) and sat back down. I felt horrible. My 3-year-old can already sense my frustration. I thought about why I let out that big sigh. Was it only because it was the third time I had to go into the bathroom to pick up her toy?
The truth is, lately, I’ve been “mad” a lot. I lose my joy often during the day. It comes and goes but mostly goes. It’s a horrible thing to admit. I don’t think I’m depressed. I just think motherhood is hard.
I have two kids. My son is only 5 (and a half). It’s July, the middle of summer vacation and it’s been what seems like forever since I’ve had a break. My husband helps A LOT. He is basically ON as soon as he gets home. But I am still here. I can still hear the screaming and the kids are still climbing all over me.
So why AM I so frustrated? I should be grateful. I have two pretty amazing kids. They are smart, adorable, and mine. Will you think I’m a b*tch if I say it’s because I am just so damn tired of the same sh*t every day? The spilled everything on the floor, the toys everywhere ALL.THE.TIME., the in and out of the car and screaming over WHAT? Not the right snack, not the toy he wanted, the dropped whatever in the car while we’re driving from the amazing place I just took them to. Anyone would start to feel a little less happy when you give and give and give because it is expected of you and it’s your “job.” And you LOVE to give. You LOVE being a mom. You LOVE your kids. But it flushes down the toilet when the littles start with the same crap over and over again. (rant over)
It’s so true, though. It can drive a person insane. But even worse? My kids will start to take after me. I’ve already seen my 5-year-old lose his cool over nothing. The first thing I think is — is he picking this up from me?
So how do I fix this? What can I do to not feel so “mad” and more importantly, make sure my kids don’t pick it up either. I NEVER want my kids to think I’m just a grump moving through the motions to get through the day. And I don’t want to feel that way either.
Well, I’ve done it all. I took a deep breath and counted to four; made sure I had some time to myself; vented to friends about my frustrations with “momhood.” I make sure I take the time to be present with my kids. I’ll get down on the floor and play just like Dad (although I can only last 10 minutes and the last five are torture). Of course, I close the laptop, turn off the phone and just listen to them. They have amazing stories, and I love to hear what they have to say. I’ve done stuff just for me, hired a sitter to make sure I can get all the things done so those “things” don’t interfere with my time with them. It all works. Some days more than others but these are the steps I take to make mom life a bit less stressful.
Bottom line, it’s just hard. And some days I think I am a terrible mom. But I guess that’s just part of motherhood. It ebbs and flows, and we have ups and downs. We never know if we’re doing it “right.” But I know I am blessed with healthy children, and I hug them tight knowing that. And at the end of the day, even when I let out that big sigh, I love being their mom.
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Thank you for this. I was really struggling with this just this morning. I have a 2 year old son and getting him dressed lately has been a huge struggle. There was so much tension and frustration this morning and I ended up in tears feeling like the worst mom ever. I’m trying not to react so much to my frustration but I do- and I end up yelling and I don’t want it to be this. I feel so much better knowing others feel the same!
This is me exactly. I don’t want my kids to be like me in this way, yet I can’t seem to change me. I get frustrated. I yell. I feel like I stay on the verge of angry, frustrated, or exasperated all the time. I work out of the home 40 hrs a week, so I beat myself up for not even being able to remain calm, cool and collected those evening hours and weekend hours I spend with them!
Thanks for this article! I thought I was the only one who felt this way at times. It is so draining to pick up the house, what seems like 50 times a day and still have a mess everywhere. I also love being a Mom to my 6, 5, and 1 yr old, but it is hard. It’s hard to feel like I’ve accomplished nothing day after day. I love not having a schedule in the summer, but really I am looking forward to September and having 2 kids in school. This Momma needs a break;)
Thank you so much for posting this. I started to cry reading it. This is so my life. It can be so hard when others just don’t understand – I already feel horrible about it. I am relieved to hear I am not alone. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much for your honesty! I have felt like this so much! I have a 3 year old boy and a 17 month old girl. They are my world but I find them so exhausting. Just last week I slid into the corner of the kitchen cabinets and cried because I just felt like the most horrible mom. Im angry all the time for such little stuff. Today was a good day thank you Jesus! I’m hoping for more of those. I just never knew it was this hard to be a mom.
I have felt the same way! But I can tell you all that it will get better. I notice a lot of the moms posting here have young kids. My girls are now 6 and 8. They have reached an age where I can finally reason with them. When you feel like you’re getting mad, try to remember that this is just a phase 🙂
I agree with the introvert/extrovert idea. I am an introvert and always having to be “on” is mind numbing at times. My husband is an introvert too, so we are always volleying for our own me time. I also wonder if this generation of children do not get out to play in the neighborhood all day long like my generation did. I’m sure that gave my mom a huge break that moms today don’t have.
This is me, too. You’re right, it is hard. But I also think you’re probably an introvert, like me. People drain our energy, regardless of their size. And while I have plenty of alone time to recoup, some days it’s still not enough. My family always think I’m angry and I’m not. I do the sigh all the time! We’re going to be fine!
We take lots of video of good days. And fun activities and when i find I am losing my joy, I sit and watch them with my toddler… She loves it and it reminds me to just be. I am so blessed to get to be home with her.. It’s been difficult while pregnant for sure, but I grew up watching both my parents work and struggle and drop the little ones off at day care to be raised by strangers… I get to raise my babies! I get to choose their influences and watch them learn new skills.
My husband is responsible but also loads of fun and he once said to me, “if I’m not having fun, I’m dying”. This got me thinking about my own life value statement. . If I’m not making magic, I’m dying.. For me this is creative foods, kombucha, herbal teas, art, clothing… So I found ways to fit these things in my day and invite my toddler to help.. If I can see something that was created in our joy regularly, I am quicker to be at peace. As a mom, it is our job to lead by example… I have to live my passions so my children will not be afraid to live theirs. What is your passion and how can you invite your children to watch you flourish? It also helps for me to have music in my home while I work.. Incense and oils and a room that electronics are not allowed.. I find that life is better for my whole family when I am doing me! It is hard.. And hard work takes daily ritual to accomplish.. You are blessed and you are a blessing to those babies! Make some magic with them!
Wow, I can’t wait to be a stay home mommy! And that is not sarcastic at all! Because, honestly, I am already at home, I see my kids needs, the 13 year old drama queen who “needs” all the latest, greatest expencive things to “fit in with friends” but really is silently begging to be told that she is good enough just as she is! My 9 year old son who takes after his father’s husky build and my introverted side and can be overly emotional if he gets too much attention, but what he really wants is quality time, one on one with mom or dad, when he isn’t sandwiched between his sisters. The little sister, my 3 year old, who is a spit-fire “I can do anything” girl who thinks she is just as big as the others and gets into more trouble than an army of kids! Trust me, I know, I run a daycare! So even though I am home everyday, there is a half dozen other kids in my house, jumping on my furniture, screaming that they’re hungry, begging to go outside, while I’m changing somebody’s diaper, handprints on the windows, boogers on the couch, wet spots on the carpet (that nobody knows how it happened), late kids coming in during meal time, parents stopping by to pick up early during nap time, the 3 year old who thinks they don’t have to nap anymore while having a screaming meltdown and yawning between every word, I cannot go to the bathroom by myself, outside by myself, or even upstairs to my bedroom and leave the kids out of sight. Yes, my husband does help, when he gets home, but that usually isn’t until 10 or 11 at night. He also owns his own business and is gone 16 to 18 hours a day, and sometimes he is the only one who can put our 3 year old to sleep. Sometimes I feel bad that he has to come home after a long day, completely exhausted and burned out then deal with the mess in our house, broken things or “what is that wet spot on the couch” as I hand over the kids, stressed to the max myself! He knows better than to ask why nothing got done all day when I have been home, what was I doing, sitting on my butt all day?! And we laugh about the myth that daycare providers make a lot of money 🙂 do you know how many times a day 8 kids 5 and under can flush a toilet? Do you know how many times they flush the toilet to get an entire roll of toilet paper down? I have a goldfish that I named trash can because everytime I go to throw food away he comes over to the side of the tank thinking he is hungry, pretty sure I could feed an entire starving country with the amount of waste we get! Then there is the electric bill, ha ha! They thought they were so smart, they add a little segment on the bill that shows how your usage compares to other houses in the area, it is obviously to guilt trip you into using less electricity. Our bill is a hundred and fifty times more then our neighbors. Of course, the “neighbor’s” house they put on there is imaginary because I’m pretty sure the houses next door are not less than half the square footage of ours! Man, I feel for the Duggars! I can say I’m glad I only have 3, there are rough days and there are easy days, but the days that all the rest to go home and I am only caught up in a whirlwind of soccer, archery, gymnastics, swimming lessons, Girl and Boy Scouts, and social outings for the kids, I am thankful I only have three to put to bed at night. So on that thought, I will lick the chocolate off my fingers, flush the toilet (so they think I was actually using the bathroom), unlock the door and go see who isn’t sleeping for today’s nap time! Someday, I will be a stay at home mom, then someday, I will have the free time to start my own blog! 😉 Keep you chin up, the grass isn’t always green over here!